T-7

There has been an interesting development in my cravings in the last two days.

I'm not having them.

Not only am I not having them, I keep checking in with myself at the usual times and situations going, "Really? You're not hungry? You're not craving X because of such-and-such? Are you sure?! ... Okay...". Like my inner demon has been kicked off the playground. There are two Costco-sized bags of tortilla chips in my pantry and a brand new jar of sunbutter. Last night I even opened it up and took a scoop just out of pure-unthinking habit. It tasted good, but after the second scoop (okay, third, but they were small scoops), I realized I was doing it out of habit, not out of a craving (or even genuine hunger). I don't know if this will last or if last week-end was my last sugar-craving extravaganza, but for now I'm grateful. And sooo happy to be free of that inner demon, even if it's just a temporary holiday. Now that I'm kicking my true addiction, I have so much more respect and compassion for those kicking more publicized addictions.

However, there is a distinct difference between something like alcoholism and food addiction. You may be able to live without alcohol for the rest of your life, but you can't just STOP eating food. You have to repair your relationship with food, somewhat like repairing your relationship with a loved one. To truly be successful, you have to work at it, talk through your issues and resolve them. It takes a LOT of effort and humility in the beginning, but with every success comes newfound resolve and self-esteem. ...although... This is the ideal method for alcoholism recovery too, so, you know... pick your analogy.

My point is - no cravings! But hunger does hit me and when it does, I do need to be ready or I tend to panic. There was a time last week, when I was trying to clear out the fridge to make way for the (surprise) party, and I couldn't think of anything quick and ended up eating ... sunbutter. So, tonight I'm making turkey sausage medallions, spicy crackers and fresh mayo.

But I'm hungry. So first, I need to eat.