Second Weekend Update - Halfway there!

This weekend I stayed pretty close to home doing some spring cleaning, both inside and out. I did some house work but also spent Sunday afternoon at a Kundalini yoga and ayurvedic workshop. It was very enlightening, and while at the workshop, I had my first real Whole30 quandry. The food they offered us was a vegetarian ayurvedic cleansing meal, so the base of it (called 'kitcheree') was rice and dahl (lentils). As we talked about food, the instructor commented about how we only have so much control and sometimes, in the grand scheme of things, we need to just be present in the moment and bless our food and trust that we will be okay eating something that we normally would not. I completely agree with this, within healthy and balanced parameters. That said, I made the decision to bless my kitcheree and trust that even though it's WAY off the Whole30 plan, I would be okay. And I do feel that I am okay and that it was the right thing to do in the moment. But they did offer up a 7 day challenge for an ayurvedic cleanse, which I will have to decline at the moment. I'm still on the Whole30 path, and will wait until this is over before I consider whether to add rice and lentils back into the diet, and if so, in what quantities.

One thing has become evident in the last two weeks with the Whole30: I've never felt this 'normal' with my body and with food. This week-end, I realized my elimination issues are completely gone - I 'eliminate' like a regular person - no effort, no pain, no waiting for 'things to happen' so I can get on with my day (or week). It's amazing and wonderful and I really don't want to mess with that! I have twinges of cravings still, but they are soo much less than they used to be, and I'm finding without the physical cravings, I can better deal with the emotional cravings, which is what the next two weeks are about for me.

One very interesting thing came up this week-end: I had a rare but violent emotional outburst. I haven't felt that frustrated, angry and out of control in a VERY long time. I'm not sure if it was emotional cleansing from the Whole30, or just life getting overwhelming for me, but It was an education in my own patterns and triggers. It was also a reminder of how far I've come, because that kind of 'eruption' hasn't happened in years, and even then, it's not been a concern for over a decade, I'd say. However, since I have been focusing these last couple weeks on completely letting go of the 'old' me, it makes sense that something like that would come up, if only to say 'see how much you don't need this response anymore?'. It no longer serves me. My husband was gracious and accepting enough to see the outburst for what it was, and didn't berate me or react to it, but rather, he sat with me as we worked through it. It was a testament to how far HE has come in his own emotional journey. And I feel like we're both stronger for it.

Food-wise, it's been slim pickin's here since the food budget is on lockdown, so I've gotten really creative with the menu, and nothing that I made this weekend Is what I would deem post-worthy. I did revisit an old favourite of mine: kale salad. In the winter, I generally don't eat raw food, because I have such a hard time digesting it. But it's spring, and that's when raw foods are more appetizing to me. My system seems to be healing, so I thought I'd give it a try. Instead of honey in the dressing, I just added kiwi to the salad, but forgot the shredded apple. It seemed to sit okay with me, so I'm trying it again today for lunch, but with chicken instead of smoked trout.

I think over all, I'm definitely seeing positive changes in my body and my relationship with food. I still am curious how much I weigh, and in the morning, I still have that urge to hop on the scale. But more importantly, since I am NOT weighing myself daily, I am checking in with my body to see how I feel. Am I sore? Am I still tired? Do I feel bloated or inflamed from the night before? Am I hungry? How do my clothes fit? These habits still need more time to solidify themselves into my daily thought process, but I am encouraged that I am making progress here.

Oh, and one more thing before I launch into the second half of my Whole30 challenge: I have gone through my clothes (again!) to weed out the things that no longer fit me, and that no longer make me feel good. That doesn't leave a whole lot in my closet, but I'm looking forward to slowly rebuilding a wardrobe that fits, that is made from quality materials, and that reflect the person I am NOW, not the person I was.

Whoop Whoop!

Day 12- Thinner?

Today was a pretty busy day. It started out with a double workout - 2 circuits followed by 4 'sprints' on the stairs. Today, my knee was starting to bother me, so I wanted to keep my cardio low-ish impact. I'm not sure if stair running was it, but hopefully by tomorrow, it'll clear up enough to run. I then went back to the gym for a little cardio and a very haphazard and unfocussed mini-workout on my abs and butt.

I had a good day avoiding over-eating. All day, I just felt lean, and energetic and with few cravings (of course, it's only 7:00, so there's still a few hours left in the day). I met up with a friend who is in her final week of carb depletion/carb loading for her fitness competition. She thought I was noticably leaner than she remembered me a month ago. I mentioned the shorts I was wearing were too tight when I first got them but just about right today. Then I came home and put a skirt on that a month ago was too tight to wear for more than a few hours and _it_ fit. I still have 18 days to go and I'm a few days away from halfway there, but I am finally feeling some noticeable changes. If only I could weigh myself I might know if I've lost weight, but it's starting to matter less to me. The difference in my energy level and my clothes fitting better (or worse in some cases - I've shrunk out of 2 of my favourite capris!) are far more important to me than a number. Still.... I wanna know, because I'm a numbers geek! I also managed to sleep through the night last night. I didn't even get up to pee! I can't remember the last time I slept through the night.

Today's meals were all eaten on the go, but it's a pretty typical day for me: up at 6:30, drinking my iced coffee with coconut milk and egg whites by 7:00 while I prep lunches for my husband (and myself on days I work); then to the gym and at 9:30, I had a post-gym meal of smoothie (spinach, blueberries, banana and coconut milk) and barbecue chicken-turkey balls. This carried  me through to 2:00 (barely) when I ate a 'wrap' made of coconut flour and egg white, stuffed with tuna/coleslaw salad  and a spinach arugula mix. I was really hungry, but really wanted to be sure to chew thoroughly, so it took me almost 45 minutes to eat the whole thing. I went back to the gym to hang out with my friend and do a little motivational cardio with/for her, and now I'm anxiously awaiting my husband's arrival so I can start this supper of stir-fried veg and beef. I've planned a decadent dessert (the one I mentioned last night - I got too full and tired to make it yesterday!).

Tomorrow, I have to squeeze in a run in the morning, but it looks like rain. I promised myself I'd run in the rain at least twice before this next competition, so tomorrow may be the day for wet-run #1. I'll let you know!

Rest Days and broccoli salad

Rest days are so hard for me, and yet so important. Today is no different.

Today is a rest day. I have a hard day with rest days - I feel lethargic, I tend to over-eat and generally feel like I've 'wasted' a day. However, I know from experience (and extensive reading) that rest days are crucial for gains in strength. After all, strength training is all about tiny tears in the muscles. It takes time to heal those guns! I did some foam rolling and stretched every time I got up from my desk at work. And I'm already planning tomorrow's epic workout...

Tonight, my husband asked for an 'Epic Roxanne Dinner' tonight, so I set to work making something memorable. I'm going to try the barbecue sauce on some salmon, and I prepped some bananas for frozen whipped dessert - still not sure what's going into that one, but if its good, I'll post the recipe.

For the side dish, I was inspired to make broccoli (mainly because it is on the verge of turning). So I look at what I have on hand and voila! Broccoli, hazelnut and prosciutto salad is born. I'm sure this could be snazzed up with some spice, but for tonight I wanted to let the flavours of the homemade mayo, hazelnuts and apple shine through.

1 bunch (2-3 sralks) broccoli, cut into bite sized florets
1/2 c. Hazelnuts, chopped
1/4 c. Zante currants
1/3 c. Shredded apple (I used jazz because that's all I had but I'd recommend Granny Smith)
4-5 slices prosciutto
2/3-1 c. Home-made mayo
1 T. Honey
1 T. Natural apple cider vinegar

1) fry the prosciutto and let cool.
2) in large bowl, collect broccoli, hazelnuts, currants and apple.
3) once the prosciutto is cooled, chop into tiny pieces.
4) in a small bowl, mix mayo, honey and cider vinegar.
5) pour dressing over salad and mix thoroughly. Chill for an hour or two.

nom.

Day 10 - Cravings Subsiding ... and an experiment in Barbecue Sauce!

Part of the Whole30 transition is the body's response to fuel, and as a result, changes in energy levels, sleep patterns and other bodily functions. Today, I am noticing that my obsession with nut butter is subsiding. I still love it and want it, but last night when I saw it in the cupboard as I was getting supper ready, I didn't have that undeniable pull to snack on it. Maybe it's awareness, maybe it's just my body adjusting to new food patterns.

I had a pretty big day yesterday - I biked to the gym and worked out in the morning, worked, biked to the gym again to do a mini-session in the afternoon (I got some pointers on bench pressing, ab work and kip [pull] ups from my power lifting friends) and then biked home. My meals were focused on getting sufficient protein and fats with my fruit and veg, and I wasn't as desperate to snack in the evening, although I am still in love with the cracker recipe from Shasonta's blog and used them late in the evening as a vehicle for some yummy coconut butter. But again, no big surges of cravings.

As is typical in my life, just as something comes to the forefront of my awareness internally, something externally reinforces that new knowledge. I am reading two books right now: 'It Starts With Food' By Dallas and Melissa Hartwig - the creators of the Whole30 plan, and 'The Emotional Eater's Repair Manual' by Julie M. Simon. The amalgam of what I got from reading both books yesterday was right in line with what I was experiencing. I learned the difference between satiety and satiation and how our cravings satisfy our emotional/psychological desire for comfort and emotional nourishment, but that the less-than-nourishing foods we crave (like cookies, for example) will not trigger satiety nutritionally in your body, so we keep eating - it's a vicious cycle. So by addressing our emotional issues, we help temper the cravings for foods that do not satisfy our nutritional needs. Or something like that. But I am embracing a new understanding of how my emotional cravings drive my physical desire for randomly non-nutritional foods, or foods that I know to be triggers for over-eating or just generally do not make me feel good physically after eating them. So, I'm looking within to find other ways to nourish my emotional needs as well as the cravings I have for fresh, interesting flavours.

Which leads me to today's recipe.

I read a few days ago on a blog about 'Paleo barbecue sauce' and apparently that casual glance stuck in my head. I'm not usually a fan of barbecue sauce, but I've never figured out what was missing from commercial sauces (or what was added that I didn't like). When I got up in the morning and made some chicken/turkey meatballs, I figured it was worth my time and effort to attempt to create my own barbecue sauce recipe.  I quickly looked up a couple recipes on the internet, but neither of the two I chose used ALL the ingredients that I wanted to use, so I used both of them as templates to create my own recipe from what I had. The result is not bad, but not perfected by any means. Next time I will rework it with tomato paste and beef broth instead of just tomato sauce, and perhaps add more vinegar and/or mustard. Give it a try and see what you think:

14.5 oz can tomato sauce
1 T. Balsamic vinegar
1/4 c. Fresh Apple juice
1 T. Honey
1 t. Trader Joe's African Smoked Seasoning
1 t. Ground Chipotle chili
1 t. Powdered garlic
1 t. Salt
1/8 t. Cayenne
1 T. Stone ground mustard

Put it all in a saucepan and simmer for 30 min (or more). Pour over cooked meats, or baste it on meats destined for the barbecue. Or both!

Day 8 - Habits

After clinging to my understanding of the Whole30 for the entire week-end, and still feeling a bit like crap, I am spending this week focused on creating habits that supersede the latest habit I have of wandering in the kitchen and as I figure out what I'm hungry for, I somehow end up with a spoonful of nut butter in my mouth. Of all the balls I am juggling and of all the things that are important to me (my workouts are one area I'm really struggling with keeping fresh), this is critical.

I'm not quite to the point where I think I need to eradicate all nut butters from the house, like I did with tortilla chips. But it's getting that bad and I need to take a look at why and hopefully that answer will help me forge a real, long term solution.

While ruminating over this all, I realized I probably should actually read the book that inspired the challenge, so I purchased 'It Starts With Food' by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig for my kindle and I'm making it my personal challenge to read at least an hour a day, more on the week-ends. As the weather warms up, I like to sit out on my porch or in my back yard and read while I soak up the sunshine. Today doesn't look like it's going to be one of those days, but here in the Pacific Northwest, weather can change on a dime and I try to never rule out a chance to get out in any weather that does not include rain or wind.

I want to post more recipes, but right now, most of my recipes are from other websites or my own 'throw it together and hope it's edible' concoctions. I have time tonight to work on a spring soup recipe, so I'll post that once I get it nailed down  - and even take pictures!

On to Day 9!

Weekend Update (Days 5-7)

The weekend came and went And I once again had a lot that came up. I may have lost a few battles over the weekend but I feel like I won the war.

Both my husband and I felt the keen draw of alcohol and (for him) tobacco. I found myself making some long term realizations and decisions about my hobbies and who I spend time with. As the weekend progressed, I realized I didn't have much in common with this group of people anymore. We both came to realize we've gone as far as we want to with this hobby and iit's time to move our focus and enthusiasm in other directions.

I spent a great deal of time battling my emotional eating and then paying the physical costs of that. The one and only thing I was clinging to was that I was still on the Whole30, I was just eating a whole lot of nuts. Part of that is hormonal, but nut butter is one of my kryptonites (tortilla chips run neck & neck). I have no idea if this is grain detox or what, but I've been having crazy cravings (no I am not pregnant!). Anyway, I made it home, but I realize that being away from home while doing Whole30 is not advisable, and especially when there are tempting foods of any kind around.

I have to give huge props out to Shasonta, a fellow blogger and my Paleo/Crossfit hero. She posted her Whole30 experience and shared a cracker recipe that I fell in love with and that saved me from diving head-first into a bag of potato chips that someone had brought into our camp.  Of course, I made my own tweak, adding apricots instead of raisins and substituting macadamia and hazelnuts instead of almonds in the crackers, but enjoy her post at Shazzy's Sass.

I also took some of the mole chili made earlier this week and used it as a cold celery dip late one night. I call it 'Mole Chili' , but the original recipe is actually named 'Chocolate Chili' in the Well Fed cookbook, by Melissa Joulwan, and part of the Whole 30 genre. My version went like this:

2 T. grass fed butter
2 med onions (about 2 c.)
4 cloves garlic, minced (a heaping Tbsp.)
2 lbs. ground turkey
1 t. dried oregano leaves
2 T. chili powder
2 T. ground cumin
1 1/2 T unsweetened cocoa
1 t. allspice
1 t. salt
1 6oz can tomato paste
1 16 oz can fire roasted chopped tomoatoes
2 c. beef broth
1 c. water

On low, start the butter melting, as soon as it's melted, add the onions. Stir and cook until translucent. Add garlic and ground turkey and blend until meat is almost cooked. Add spices and blend for about 20-30 seconds, until the spices are heated, then add tomato paste and 1/2 c water. Keep stirring until blended, then add tomatoes and broth. Turn to low and simmer 30 minutes to 2 hrs, adding a little water every few minutes until it's the right consistency. Remember, it thickens as it cools.

If you add shredded veg (like carrot, celery, zucchini) or diced sweet peppers, it'd give it even more bang for your buck., but add only about 2 c. maximum before the spices have to be adjusted.

Day 4: Rebalancing - My Life and My Body

Wow, I have had some major aha moments over the last few days, but nothing like the dream I had last night. Without getting into the bizarre details of my dream, I made the very clear realization that it is time to let the old me die. I need to grieve for her, love her and send her on her way. The dream was also very symbolic of my role in my family as well as my tribe as a matriarch. This work I'm doing on myself is revealing a lot about what I have to offer others. But back to the theme for today's post: rebalancing.

Once of the things I've been working on is my sense of balance. The way I hold my body - the way I hold myself up physically as well as the emotional side of 'standing strong'. But first, the physiological aspect.

I have always had issues with posture and my back. A few years ago, I was introduced to the metaphysical meanings of physical ailments. The lower back issues relate to fear of losing your freedom when others need your help. Looking back, this has, in fact, always been a struggle for me. I felt selfish when I took time to restore my sense of Self by stepping away from my family, and there is a history of martyrdom in my matriarchal line that insists that we serve others before we care for ourselves. But I have always balked at that - and felt guilty for it. This is one thing I am definitely letting go of - that guilt over listening to what I intuitively know is right for me. In doing so, I'm working within my body to heal that emotion by focusing on my posture. I remind myself that I am strong enough to hold myself tall.

I think there's another element to the posture issue in that my body is different now than it has been, and my center of balance has shifted. I find that when I am standing tall, the energy flows through me better and my back doesn't hurt. Of course, that muscle still needs to heal, so I can't go back to my full workouts.

Well, I'm headed out for a week-end camping event with friends who love to party, so it will be another opportunity for me to test my boundaries, my resolve and my commitment to being healthy and balanced.