This weekend I stayed pretty close to home doing some spring cleaning, both inside and out. I did some house work but also spent Sunday afternoon at a Kundalini yoga and ayurvedic workshop. It was very enlightening, and while at the workshop, I had my first real Whole30 quandry. The food they offered us was a vegetarian ayurvedic cleansing meal, so the base of it (called 'kitcheree') was rice and dahl (lentils). As we talked about food, the instructor commented about how we only have so much control and sometimes, in the grand scheme of things, we need to just be present in the moment and bless our food and trust that we will be okay eating something that we normally would not. I completely agree with this, within healthy and balanced parameters. That said, I made the decision to bless my kitcheree and trust that even though it's WAY off the Whole30 plan, I would be okay. And I do feel that I am okay and that it was the right thing to do in the moment. But they did offer up a 7 day challenge for an ayurvedic cleanse, which I will have to decline at the moment. I'm still on the Whole30 path, and will wait until this is over before I consider whether to add rice and lentils back into the diet, and if so, in what quantities.
One thing has become evident in the last two weeks with the Whole30: I've never felt this 'normal' with my body and with food. This week-end, I realized my elimination issues are completely gone - I 'eliminate' like a regular person - no effort, no pain, no waiting for 'things to happen' so I can get on with my day (or week). It's amazing and wonderful and I really don't want to mess with that! I have twinges of cravings still, but they are soo much less than they used to be, and I'm finding without the physical cravings, I can better deal with the emotional cravings, which is what the next two weeks are about for me.
One very interesting thing came up this week-end: I had a rare but violent emotional outburst. I haven't felt that frustrated, angry and out of control in a VERY long time. I'm not sure if it was emotional cleansing from the Whole30, or just life getting overwhelming for me, but It was an education in my own patterns and triggers. It was also a reminder of how far I've come, because that kind of 'eruption' hasn't happened in years, and even then, it's not been a concern for over a decade, I'd say. However, since I have been focusing these last couple weeks on completely letting go of the 'old' me, it makes sense that something like that would come up, if only to say 'see how much you don't need this response anymore?'. It no longer serves me. My husband was gracious and accepting enough to see the outburst for what it was, and didn't berate me or react to it, but rather, he sat with me as we worked through it. It was a testament to how far HE has come in his own emotional journey. And I feel like we're both stronger for it.
Food-wise, it's been slim pickin's here since the food budget is on lockdown, so I've gotten really creative with the menu, and nothing that I made this weekend Is what I would deem post-worthy. I did revisit an old favourite of mine: kale salad. In the winter, I generally don't eat raw food, because I have such a hard time digesting it. But it's spring, and that's when raw foods are more appetizing to me. My system seems to be healing, so I thought I'd give it a try. Instead of honey in the dressing, I just added kiwi to the salad, but forgot the shredded apple. It seemed to sit okay with me, so I'm trying it again today for lunch, but with chicken instead of smoked trout.
I think over all, I'm definitely seeing positive changes in my body and my relationship with food. I still am curious how much I weigh, and in the morning, I still have that urge to hop on the scale. But more importantly, since I am NOT weighing myself daily, I am checking in with my body to see how I feel. Am I sore? Am I still tired? Do I feel bloated or inflamed from the night before? Am I hungry? How do my clothes fit? These habits still need more time to solidify themselves into my daily thought process, but I am encouraged that I am making progress here.
Oh, and one more thing before I launch into the second half of my Whole30 challenge: I have gone through my clothes (again!) to weed out the things that no longer fit me, and that no longer make me feel good. That doesn't leave a whole lot in my closet, but I'm looking forward to slowly rebuilding a wardrobe that fits, that is made from quality materials, and that reflect the person I am NOW, not the person I was.
Whoop Whoop!
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