Week 2 - Off Kilter and paralyzed by information.

This is a personal post about my own path and getting off track. I'll do my best not to whine, but I feel like it's important to share my experience with battling my impulses this weekend and on into this week. I am having a hard time focusing on my goal. What is my goal? Why do I feel it's important enough to give my effort to it? Why am I pushing/pulling myself so hard? 

My husband and I have each had our own big life lesson cycles this summer. I had no idea when I launched into the summer, that we would be entering this new phase of our lives. My experience was a month of of learning the 'dark side' of the fitness industry- mostly related to sales and the financial aspect of the industry, but also the one-sidedness of focusing on the physical body above all else. I came away from that realizing my body has a LOT to tell me about how I'm doing socially, spiritually and mentally, and that all the lifting, swinging and running in the world will not solve my feeling of isolation, and can actually sometimes feed my social anxiety as I become less 'average' than most my age. I am still sorting through it all, but I came away from that experience knowing my purpose is to help others heal, balance and optimize their lives and that I do poorly making my financial return the primary impetus for choosing how I make my way in the world. That said, I do like my lifestyle, so what's a girl to do? Flash forward to my husband's life lesson last week. MY role in his experience was to support him with all the tools I have at my disposal, which included massive food prep, mad telephone skills and the patience to listen (not-so) calmly as he shared with me his own lessons. It was also a very important lesson for me in offering suggestions, but not insisting things be the way I see them playing out. He made many important discoveries that, had I nagged, he may not have learned so profoundly. I also felt quite helpless as he spun out into places of fear and anxiety (which I struggle with daily in my own head).

Last week was 'get back on track' with the Whole30 while he was gone, but left to my own devices with my nebulous daily schedule, I have not made the commitment to Whole30 like I thought I would, and even my workouts have become hit or miss. Because my schedule has me 'playing house' most of the day, I would find myself repeatedly eating more than I need because I love to cook and I love to eat and every little inspiration or craving had me back in the kitchen feeding that love. However, I ended up also feeding my cravings as well as my loneliness and my boredom. As a result, I am feeling like I have failed myself in this latest challenge. Although I am staying away from alcohol, wheat and sugar, corn made an appearance this weekend, as did cocoa, and I again reminded myself that dairy doesn't serve me well in most cases. Corn is a definite 'no', but I have decided that for me, raw cacao, cacao butter and dark cocoa powder (raw, natural, etc.) is allowed, even welcomed into my diet - in moderation. I allow myself 2 t. cacao powder in my coffee in the morning and in my Paleo nuggets at night (two nuggets maximum!).

There's more to this exploration, though. I am fighting the line between obsessing about my food and wantonly eating with abandon. We are so fortunate to have a surplus of food most of the time, but the reality is that there is still a lot in our 'healthy' cupboards that may or may not benefit our overall health and that is what is most puzzling to me.

This morning as I once again woke up berating myself for 'not doing' what I thought I should, I realized that my parameters for what is 'good' is the thing that is driving me crazy. There is a point at which opposing information can paralyze a person. So here I sit, drinking Spark and Emergen-C (But it's laden with chemicals!) and cold herbal tea to calm my stomach after too much dairy (but it's pasture-raised whey protein!) and craving eggs (but many people are sensitive to egg protein - am I one of them?!) and thinking about what to prepare for our supper tonight (but our meat isn't pasture raised!... but it's free to us so we are not 'supporting' agribusiness... or are we?!).  All this whilst I watch the minutes tick away until I know I must do a workout (do I run or do I swing 'bells in my backyard?! Don't want to blow it all out because I have ladies night tonight!).

For the rest of the week, I am regrouping, reprioritizing and PUTTING TOGETHER A DAILY SCHEDULE. I need to let go of what doesn't serve me once and for all (Guilt, do you hear me?! This is your eviction notice!), and focus on my 'big rocks' to coin a Stephen Covey term (Check out the story behind the reference here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to-DyF3AL3o).

Sometimes taking a step back to regroup is what is needed. I feel like I haven't adequately regrouped so I am still shotgunning my approach to my health - I'm hitting a few things but overall I'm just putting a lot of random energy out there and making a bit of a mess. Time to reel things in, get clear, get focussed and build the life I want.

I welcome insights, suggestions and encouragement on Facebook or via email, but for the remainder of the week, my blog will be silent until I can be clear about my plan. This is an act of respect for myself and my goals. And your time, because who wants to read a big long post about failure every week?

Day 2 - Slow re-adjustment

Yesterday was a stressful day for me personally. I had a lot to do and a lot on my mind. However, I managed to keep to the eating plan. I actually ended up stretching my eating times out so I 'missed' a meal. However, I did not have an intense workout in the mix - I went for a run, but no heaving lifting, so that 5th meal wasn't necessary.

I ended up with an empty tank at about 8:45 or so, and woke up this morning feeling really well rested, but the body is stiff and sore. I had a massage yesterday, which helped but today is a pilates/yoga/walk day instead of the originally planned strength training day.

Foodwise, I've come up with some interesting combinations. In the fridge right now are the following READY TO EAT items (everything is homemade):

• Chicken breasts
• Whole chicken meat - deboned (mostly...)
• Almond milk
• Cooked collard green leaves, ready for wraps
• Roasted sweet potato, zucchini, carrot and onion topped with roasted beets
• blueberry vinnaigrette
• roasted strawberry vinaigrette
• ginger mayonnaise (the ginger was a happy accident - I grabbed it instead of mustard!)
• A HUGE bruised kale salad with shredded carrot, slivered red onion and cabbage
• Salmon Burgers
• sauerkraut
• chai tea
• boiled eggs

I think there may be a few other items in there I'm forgetting. However, today was a low-energy day. I am pretty sore and detox-y, so just a brisk walk this morning and some pilates this evening. It's been a tough day foodwise and a lot of old demons came back this evening but my last meal of the day had protein and was all Whole30 approved, so I stayed on track in that respect, and that's enough for today.

Next Chapter, Day One, Whole30 Paleo Lean-Down

Blame it on my creative and dramatic mother, but I like to imagine my life as a grand drama, played out in scenes and acts and chapters. This latest chapter comes after a fairly quick but deep shake-up in my world. I was laid off just as I was thinking it was time to make my next step, but not sure what that step was. I managed to land what seemed like a great transition job right out of the gate, transitioning from office admin-type work into the fitness/coaching realm. After literally dropping EVERYTHING that gave me strength, pleasure, meaning and purpose to put all my energy into the new job, I realized what I'd done: I'd given up all the things that gave me strength, pleasure, meaning and purpose for a job that was hollow and misguided. Fortunately, I have a phenomenal support system and I reached out into the Universe and pulled myself out of that mess after only a month of my life sacrificed to that important life lesson.

The stress of that energy shift and tidal wave of stress took its toll and many of my healthy habits that keep me running strong in body, mind AND spirit went by the wayside. Last week in my first week as a self-proclaimed housewife and life-coach-in-training, I did a double soul-retrieval (for the extra woo-woo out there), regrounded and just got back in touch with my body-mind-spirit feedback loop. I had to clean out a whole mess of guilt and shame over 'failing' so profoundly and using psychic alchemy, transform my 'failure' into a poignant and profound teachable moment for my Self. I did some edible soothing and claimed every bite of chocolate, every sip of wine and every handful of chips. Towards the end of last week, I met with my amazing think-tank of fellow women coaches-in-training, had some acupuncture done and started planning my re-entry into Healthy-land. (I've got to think of a better name...)

I made my friend, Shasonta's AMAZEBALLS cleansing smoothie yesterday (check it out at shasonta.wordpress.com) and cut out coffee and conventional sugars. Today it's a slow farewell to dairy and fruit sugars. You see, I forgot that little nugget when I was making my smoothie at 6am and tossed a 1/2 a banana and whey protein powder into my smoothie. I'm also weaning off the Flax milk I have as I feel it has too many additives for my version of Whole 30. The goal this time around is a bit different. It's a bit more specific.

While I truly appreciate and will continue to adhere to as much of the Whole 30 principles as possible, I want to blend it with what I have learned and what I love about the science of my own body. I love being able to track and measure crap. Maybe it's the OC tendencies or just keeping my monkey mind busy, but I believe this is a crucial way to bridge people from the idea of having to count calories and eat low fat to a more whole foods approach to losing weight AND gaining life-long health and fitness. In essence, I'm developing my own 'product'. This experiment will become my template for my Transformational Life Coaching packages. But I'm getting off on a tangent. Back to today....

Today, on day one of the "Whole 30 Paleo Lean-Down"(tm) , my whole body is messing with me - head to toe (literally). I am suffering the physical karma of eating crap for the last week. I am bloated, my elimination (aka: poop and pee) schedule is all over the place, my joints hurt and I have severe brain fog. But above all, my focus is to stay focused on my goal (performing a bodybuilder style lean-down using Whole30 principles) while practicing radical self-love. I am also using chinese medicine's food recommendations to help get things back in balance. This is very specific to my current issues and since I'm not well-versed in chinese medicine, I'll leave commentary on those food-choices to other blogger, writers and scientists.

I am documenting my food intake at MyFitnessPal.com and on Tumblr, I am posting weekly full-body shots of me in some shorts that I bought juuuust as I started gaining weight (about 6 weeks ago). Yes, I gained about 15 lbs since my last Whole30, and it is doubtful that much of that is muscle gain, although I managed to limp along with my workout routines. My workout routines can be found at Fitocracy.com under the username LullabyMoon, too, for the whole enchilada.  This is serious, folks!

Next up: Morning Walks and HALTing

Hiring a Housekeeper and rumblings of New Blog

For those who don't know, I recently was laid off. This was not a bad thing, but it was an abrupt wake-up to me that I had been 'cocooning' long enough and it was time to start the next leg of my journey. In a whirlwind of inspiration and openness to whatever came to me, I landed myself a new job. I basically ended my last day of work on my usual Thursday, and by the following Tuesday, I was offered a new job.

Since one of the things on my bucket list was to get certified to be a Personal Trainer, I applied for a Sales position that required a CPT but that said they would certify me. This was my big red neon sign flashing from the Universe that it was waiting for me to get to it. So, through the first week, I was studying, scrambling and testing for all my certifications (CPT, First Aid, Infant and Adult CPR and AED).

So here I am, officially in my second week, and am just barely now coming up for air. It's been a HUGE adjustment: New industry, new schedule, going from working 25 hrs on the clock to over 40, and to top it all off, I did a cleanse for the first 10 days of my employment as well as bike commuting again after 2 weeks off, and back at the gym after about 4 wks off. I barely know which way is up, but I am watching this weird and very cool metamorphosis of my priorities. I am realizing what a stranglehold I had on keeping order in my home, but I'm finding that I just can't keep it up.

You may say "You're getting older. I can't keep up". I see it more as "I'm getting older and I'm really honing in on how I prioritize my time and energy." It's a matter asking myself whether it's worth it to do the everyday cleaning of keeping up with my own standards, or let my standards go.

I chose option three: pay someone to keep up my standards. For many years, I made money cleaning other peoples' homes for pay as well as keeping up my own home. I know what hard but rewarding work it can be. I also know how far that extra money can go. When I was younger, I remember going to my aunt and uncle's and they were picking up their toys because their housekeeper was coming that day. I thought them terribly rich, extravagant - and I am somewhat ashamed to admit - wasteful. Now, here I am, weighing what is 'extravagant' against my sanity and my commitment to the task at hand of moving forward on my journey.

With all these changes, and these new insights from all this new stimuli, I feel like the title 'Edible Discoveries' no longer captures the essence of all my discoveries of late.  However, I don't want narrow my blog to only one topic. I'm not sure exactly what the 'theme' of the next blog will be, but it will be under the title of Artemis Moon Journeys. For more about why I have named the new blog as such, please visit the new blog - once it's up - at: www.artemismoonjourneys.blogspot.com

I'll try to resurface soon, and post a few more recipe/foodie ideas here and let you know when we anticipate the official 'grand opening' of the new blog.

I Survived!

First, I want to give a shout-out to a few people: Kerri, Sorry I missed you. There were a lot of people and we probably should have at least tried to figure out what heat your fella was in. Thanks to the lady who commented on my shirt and said I inspired her (excuse me while I get a little veclempt), and how inspiring to ME to hear multiple 'trainers' out there encouraging their friends/clients. A special thank you to my mother who drove all the way out, held our stuff, went back and forth to the car a few times and waited an hour to see us cross the finish line ... and missed us (I will say, Erik and I were pretty quick over the last hill). She came even though fitness competitions and especially that race environment are not her cup of tea. And most MOST importantly, I want to thank my wonderful, supportive husband, for supporting me the most by actually running right along with me for most of the time, and holding my hand across the finish line.

I feel a renewed sense of hope and strength on my health/fitness journey. Yes, I've gained some weight in the last few weeks due to stress eating, but I continue to learn about myself, how I operate in my world, and how my world - be it advertising and media, my circle of friends or my work/home environment - operates in me. I found myself looking in mirrors as I passed by them, and notice my image of myself has changed again - on the one hand, I am less than pleased with what I'm seeing, but I understand how much stronger and healthier I look than I did last year. This last week, I did a lot of picking apart of myself. My new awesome clothes have been fitting a bit tight and my food choices have been less than stellar. It's been easy to find reasons to beat myself up, and not as many reasons to build myself up.

This race was an important litmus test. It gave me the opportunity to see how strong and adaptable I am in real-life challenges. I had to run up, down, through woods, through mud, jump over walls, climb 5' high mud walls, crawl through sewer-type tubes, wade through the snohomish river, high run through tires, swung like a monkey and generally had a good time. It reminded me again, why I train. But it also showed me how far I have to go yet. With my nutrition plan out of whack, I need to really buckle down on getting my workouts in as well. This next week is dedicated to detox and baseline testing. I'll be testing my strength on 10-12 key moves to then be able to set some realistic goals. More on that on another post.



On the drive home, I listened to my current favourite podcast: Abel James' Fat Burning Man. As he  interviewed the AMAZING Kelly Starrett who BLEW. MY. MIND. Oddly enough, I'd been drawn to this guy a couple times before. I had a friend recommend his website,  www.mobilitywod.com and then a week or so ago,  I saw an ad for his new book (admittedly, while on his website), which intrigued me and I had gone looking for it at the library. His perspective on the human movement as a necessary skill really hit home what I need to be doing: I need to be helping people fully express themselves as humans. I look forward now to cleansing the system and starting fresh for summer - 2 weeks until summer officially begins!

Chicken WOGs in the crock pot or the burly pot - A multitude of meals

I know many of you Crossfitters see 'WOG' and think 'WOD', but no...WOG is a term my husband and I use. He works for a food delivery service that offers whole chickens 'without giblets' as an option. On his manifest, and on the package, it simply says 'Whole Chicken WOG'.

Burly pot is a term my mother-in-law introduced to me. She bought me a HUGE cast iron cook pot in our favourite colour for the kitchen - RED. She calls it a burly pot because you have to be pretty burly to be able to heft it around the kitchen. I love this pot. It's a little bigger than I would normally use, but it has a lot of sentimental value, and all-in-all, it's a wonderful pot.

With summer on the horizon, we do a lot of make-ahead large recipes, so when we are too busy biking, hiking, gardening or just laying out in the sun catching up on our reading, we have some tasty meals ready to assemble in the fridge.

Last night and this morning was another cooking frenzy. I prepped a kale salad, made breakfast bites (recipe to follow), oven baked some whole sweet potatoes and made a WOG in the burly pot. I chose the burly pot over the crock pot because by the time I got home and prepped the chicken, it was almost 7 and I wanted to go to bed before midnight ;-) Which cooking method I use largely depends on how much time I have, but they usually net very similar results.  The crockpot is more forgiving with time - you can be an hour late home from work and not ruin the dish - but the burly pot lends a slightly more 'roasted' flavour.

WOGs are so quick and easy. This method I use to utilizing as much of a whole chicken as possible  may seem daunting, but it's really just 3 or 4 processing steps that each take about 5 minutes. They just have to be spaced accordingly, but it is possible to slip an extra 5 minutes in the kitchen into your evening and morning routines and have a regular supply of home cooked chicken to last for at least 3 meals each week.

Step 0: In Case of Frozen WOG, add this step to the timing of your recipe.

The first step for you may be thawing the chicken, which adds an extra day to your planning process. I usually cheat and put my wog in a large bowl of cold water, changing water every 30 minutes or so until it feels 'wiggly', meaning I can move it around enough to scoop out any ice chunks in the cavity.

Step One: Seasoning and cooking the WOG.

This is usually the least time consuming part of this whole process. I rinse the chicken and pat it dry. Then I either rub a spice mix on it and just toss it in the crock, or sometimes I slather it with salsa and stuff it with a quartered onion. Last night, I used a few handfulls of my saved veg scraps that I keep in the freezer, a green apple, some chunks of lemon and Trader Joe's Everyday seasoning. Whatever the flavour I'm trying to achieve, I tend to follow the same pattern I've laid out below. I cook according to the directions for the method used. For the crockpot, I cook on high for 4-5 hours and on low 8-10 hours. For the burly pot I cook on 275 for a few hours or on 350 for about an hour and a half - until my thermometer says 175-180.

Step Two: Disassembling your WOG

Once it's done cooking, I take the lid off and let it sit for just a few minutes. Then I pull the whole chicken out to cool on a plate and leave all the veg and broth in the pot. If we are eating some of it hot for dinner that night, we'll slice those pieces off and let the rest cool to room temp while we enjoy our meal. I'm sure the health and safety police would insist it go directly into the refrigerator to cool, but besides the fact that it is difficult to work with when it's cold, it loses some of the flavour and gets soggy instead of juicy (don't ask me to explain the difference, just trust me: there is).

Once it's cool enough to handle, I pull all the meat off the bones - as much as possible, but not being vigilant about it. I leave the tendons, bones and skin on the plate and put the meat in a glass container with a lock-tight lid and put it in the fridge for other recipes.


Step Three: Making Stock

What's left on the plate is put back in the pot and the pot is filled with cold water. At this point I may or may not add spice. If I do, I prefer dried spice, as it lends more flavour with lengthy cooking time like making stock. I then put the lid on, turn the heat down to as low as possible (my crockpot has a 'keep warm' setting, and I use a heat diffuser on my gas stove) and let it go. I've done it for as little as 30 minutes (at a medium setting) or as long as 10 hours (that was on the lowest setting -170- in the oven, or in the crockpot on keep warm). Once you're ready to move on, turn the heat off, take the lid off and let it cool.

A thought about letting it cool: if you let it just cool to 'working temperature' you will have more fat in your stock than if you let it cool completely (or put it in the refrigerator to cool). If you wait until it's completely cold, the fat will rise to the top and coagulate, sticking to the debris in the collander when you strain it. Plan according to the results you want.

Step Four: Storing Stock

Once your pot has cooled enough for your purposes, grab a compost or garbage can, a big collander and another big pot or bowl. Scoop as much of the bones and debris out of the pot with a slotted spoon and toss it in the can.

I used to just use the collander and then try to pick out the last bits of meat from the debris, but I gave that up. The meat didn't have much flavour and probably had most of the nutrition boiled out of it anyway. I figured all the good stuff was all in the stock, so I quit saving the boiled meat.

Once you have most of the big chunks out, put the collander in/over the big bowl and pour the liquid in. Toss what's in the collander in the can. You now have a big bowl of chicken stock. I either pour mine in quart jars and put them in the fridge, or pour it in gallon bags and freeze them. It all depends on how much stock is in my fridge and what time of year it is. I go through a lot more stock in the winter than the summer, but I eat chicken pretty much year round.

Energy Bars - cooked and raw

6 dates
1/4 c. hazelnuts
1 banana
1/4 c. chia
1/4 c. flax seed
1/4 c. sesame seeds
1/2 c. coconut
1.4 c. cocoa
2 T. coconut cream
1/2 t. vanilla extract
1/4 c. dried cranberries, cherries and/or blueberries
1/4 c. mini-chocolate chips or cacao nibs (!)
1/4 t. cinnamon (optional)

1) Add dates and hazelnuts in the food processor and process until they are finely ground.
2) Add banana and mix until it's a paste.
3) Add the rest of the ingredients and continue to process until it's thoroughly mixed.
4) Press into a 9x9 baking pan and refrigerate until set. Cut into bite-sized pieces and keep separated with wax paper in a container and keep container in the fridge.

Cooked version:

1) Repeat above instructions 1-3, adding 1/4 c. coconut flour and 1 egg to final ingredients.
2) Press into 9x9 baking pan and bake at 300 for 15-20 minutes.
3) Remove from oven and let cool. Cut and store in the fridge, separating with wax paper.