Morning Walks

It was a long, rough summer for me, but here I am, staring down the barrel of Winter. The leaves have fallen, the weather is beginning to require at least a scarf and gloves, and I am spiritually in my hermit cycle. This is the time of year for deep thoughts. I spend time reviewing the year past to see what worked, what didn't, where I am now and where I want to go when spring pops her pretty head up sometime in March.

I recently acknowledged that I have gotten out of the habit of self-care. Mental illness does not take days off, so I have to be vigilant about making a daily commitment to care for my body, mind and spirit in one way, shape or form - however that looks. I am an early riser, regardless of time of year, what has happened the day or evening before, and regardless of time-zone. Without me-time first thing in the morning, I will still get up early, but I usually start right in on taking care of the house, making my husband lunches, cleaning up the messes we all left from the night before, and generally being of service. By about mid-morning, I get that all-too-familiar feeling of overwhelmedness and resentment.

A few weeks ago, I reintroduced the habit of going for a walk first thing in the morning and am reminded again, of the importance of getting in touch with my Self and my Purpose first thing in the morning. I love walks for many reasons, but let me share some impressions from my morning walk ritual:

Since moving into our house at the end of the lane, I have loved the fact that we live right on the railroad trail here in our town. It carries me to downtown in one direction, and the other direction takes me out to some of the most beautiful inner-city natural areas I know. This has become my happy place. Any time I am in nature, I find myself feeling more alive. The trail is the perfect blend of nature and community.

As soon as we moved in, I started running the trail at various times of day, but I found the morning-time is my favourite time to be on the trail. I have found my morning trail people to be an extension of community that I would otherwise not be a part of. These people are out there, rain or shine, walking their dogs, walking or running alone or in pairs, walking their children to school, walking to the grocery store, but they're all out there, doing the same thing I do. Some walk and talk together, some walk and talk on their phone, one man even walks with his transistor radio tucked into his pocket. I see the regulars biking to work, like I have done in years gone by, but the thing that has made the greatest impact is that they are out there, just like me. Although we each have our own agendas, be it simply getting from one place to another, or getting in touch with nature, or challenging our PR, we are 'out there'. We commune with nature and by extension, with each other.

By reintroducing this me-time, I have reminded myself of the essential, positive impact it has on my life. I reminds me to honour and recognize that on every level, my physical and mental health come absolutely FIRST. This was not always the case, and in this moment in time, the pull of other loved ones' issues compounded with my own battle with S.A.D. makes it particularly challenging to put myself first.

I spent many years putting others before myself. After all, isn't that the golden rule? But the reality is, I gave EVERYTHING away, and left nothing for myself. What I have finally learned and now BELIEVE is that I must keep myself running at top performance if I'm to be able to truly serve others. If I can spend even 30 minutes filling myself up first thing in the morning, I have so much more to offer others throughout the day. My perspective on what I can do, and what I need to do are much more balanced. I can say yes, and no, with grace and more ease than had I not taken that time to set my intention and remind myself of my purpose at the start of my day.

Morning walks or runs might not be for everyone, but I do believe that setting a specific time of day for focussed mental-health sessions and inner reflection will provide a framework to be able to stay grounded and focused on rocking your mission, whatever it is.

My Bulletproof Coffee and Fun With Meat

Today's post comes in the form of both recipe and running daily journal blog.  I have spent too much time trying to craft the perfect post and neglected the point of blogging (for me), which is to keep a running journal of my personal wellness journey with the intention of better understanding myself and inspiring others to enjoy the journey of creating a better life for themselves.

So today, I woke up before dawn to meet my fitness fanatic friends at BSC for some deadlifting. What an awesome way to wake up! I crawled out of bed at about 6 (only snoozed ... once?), made my bulletproof coffee with a simple recipe of:

double scoop of decaf coffee, ground for 15-20 seconds, and aeropressed.

Add to this enough hot water for about 14 oz, and toss it in the blender with 1 Tbsp. coconut oil and 1/4 t. chipotle powder

If I'm lucky, I'll add a couple drops of pure cacao mass and maybe a drop or two of stevia.

Once blended to a light mocha froth, pour in your insulated mug and sip.

I say insulated mug because much of the heat of the drink is lost to the blending, but it usually cools it down just to perfect sipping, swirling temperature. The heat of the chipotle adds to the warming sensation in the winter, and to give my circulation a boost.

Now, it's on to the rest of my day. I am working back towards planning my workouts more in advance, now that our lives have started to level out. For today, I would like to work out again, but I lifted heavy today and I get wicked DOMS, so I need to pace myself.

Since starting to actually lift heavy more often and using machines less, I am finding some interesting changes. It's all mixed in with elements of post traumatic stress from the turmoil of our lives this summer, but I suddenly gained 5 lbs this last (menstrual) cycle. My clothes are fitting tighter, and I don't like that, so even if it's muscle, I need to lean out just a touch. I am working towards that as well.

This is the season for me to be re-evaluating, setting new long term goals and reviewing the ones I am just not paying attention to, and adjusting them. This week, I've been practicing writing more stuff down and not using my phone as much. I made myself a perfect layout for all the things I want to keep track of, and I'm practicing with it, to be sure I've got all elements covered. That's enough for now.

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It's mid-afternoon and I'm settling in to relax while I wait for my latest experiment to finish cooking. I have some cleansing soup that had been sitting in the fridge, which means nobody wanted to eat it except me. I also had 4 lbs of ground turkey that had been thawing in the fridge for the last 2 days and was ready to use.

I did what I usually do: I looked up a recipe for what I sort-of wanted and then started inventing. This is what I came up with. If you care to replicate it somehow, I'd recommend just using 2 c. cooked grain and and 2 c. cooked cruciferous veggies and onion/leek/shallots. My soup had cooked kashi, cabbage, onion, leeks and ginger/lemon/garlic spice.

4 lbs. ground turkey
4 c. cooked soup
5 eggs
1 whole onion, chopped
1/2 leek, chopped
1/2 c. oat flour (or you could use another kind of flour)
16 oz can of diced tomatoes in adobo sauce (Muir Glen)
1 c. tapatio
1 t. granulated garlic (or garlic powder)
2 t. cayenne
1 t. chipotle powder
heaping Tbsp. paprika
1 t. oregano
1 t. basil
Salt and pepper to taste

I could give you detailed instructions on the best way to blend the ingredients together, but half the fun is experimenting! If you need a couple hints:

• whisk eggs before adding them with anything else
• mix dry ingredients and wet ingredients separately before adding them together
• Just take off your rings, and get your hands IN THERE

Making meatloaf reminds me of when I used to make bread every week by hand. It is meditative and visceral and really brings that secret ingredient (you know... love!) to your creation.

I had so much meat, I decided to play a little:

I am ending this evening with snuggles and yummy tea.

Summer Wrap-Up and Preparations for the 'dark months'

My spiritual tradition* involves following the cycles of the seasons as closely as possible, in mind, body and spirit. One of the most important times of the year for me is the time from about the Autumnal Equinox (in late September) until sometime around my birthday in January. During this time, I recap what I've learned from my experiences, how it's affected my life and the lives of my loved ones, how to integrate this knowledge into my reality, and begin to lay the groundwork for the coming year.

As I celebrated my 42nd birthday this past January, I knew** this year would bring amazing and wonderful changes to my life. Yet, my year just seemed to plug along in the usual fashion: working, my partner working more, working out, running a home and continuing to bio-and eso-hack my life*** . By late spring, I started to get antsy. I challenged my partner to a mud race and we did it, but I didn't feel that moment of 'aha. THIS is it!' that I usually get when completing a challenge. So I kept plugging along. Work was a struggle with significant barriers to being able to do the work I do best in that kind of office position, and I was becoming bored with most of the things I enjoyed. And then ... things started to change.

I got laid off in June. It wasn't a huge surprise and I was a little sad to see that chapter end, but again, I knew** that things were finally taking off. I was looking forward to a couple months of unemployment benefits to keep us financially afloat, and I could really dive into where I should put my efforts next. Time off work would allow me to take care of some lingering projects at home and perhaps do some travelling and adventuring. Maybe my big break was finally coming - so I could finally start my career path without the lingering hassle of a 'pay the bills' job.

As it turned out, I was almost immediately offered the opportunity to work full-time in the field of health/wellness. I gave up my opportunity to collect unemployment and revel in summer, only to realize the job I took was, a) not what I expected (we'll just leave it at that), and b) not worth the effort for the measly paycheck I got (which was barely more than I was making at my previous part-time job!). It appeared that I had taken a risk that landed me right on my ass. But I learned from it and put most of the negative aspects from that experience behind me.

I spent what was left of my summer trying to cram as much of the 'fun stuff' that I had originally planned into the remaining weeks of sunshine and long-ish days. My partner and I went camping with friends and family, we biked, we hiked, I lounged in the sun and read up on whatever I wanted, and kept a house going, which I manage to both love with a passion, and hate with a hot, flaming, impotent rage. Meanwhile, my partner's life was being turned upside down and we spent the final weeks of summer and into the first weeks of autumn working to get to his breakthrough.

So here we are in October as things are finally manifesting. It looks as if a move is imminent, I will be going back to the full-time 'Office Space' job, and my partner will be the one with a completely new career. Yep, the big career breakthrough I saw turned out to be my husband's, and my biggest lesson this summer has been all about learning to love my inner-self and to hold joy as my guiding light.

I will admit, my gusto and adventurous spirit from earlier in the year has taken a bit of a blow due to events of this summer/autumn, and today I hit a real feeling of helplessness.  One thing I'm finding is that I have a lot of anger and frustration around 'having' to go back to work in a field I am not passionate about, especially when I AM so passionate about other fields. I want to compare my experience with my husband's for justification, but that no longer serves me. I am realizing I have become a person who is living intentionally. I have all the power in my reality, and 'have to' or 'want to' has little relevance when I know that my highest purpose is to find joy. I have goals and plans and visions for my future, but if my steps toward that make my every day miserable, then something has to give.

I am finding a lot of clarity in this moment of vulnerability. Life is too precious for me to wallow for too long. I am learning to feel my feelings and just be with them. When I can feel them clearly and then look with love and acceptance for the source, I usually find them being held by a younger woman, a girl, or even a baby that was once my reality. But I'm 'through the veil' and I can now turn and offer love to my younger Self and remind her that she is loved and she is safe. All is well. And let that feeling go.

I'm not sure yet what next year will bring, but as things shift, we will find our way. I will keep moving forward, my partner and I will wrap up this year's intentions and actions, we will celebrate in the darkest months, and as spring begins to emerge, we will be onto our next set of adventures.

Health and Wellness continues to be my passion, so I will continue to share what I learn both intuitively and scholastically. But I'm open to whatever that looks like.

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* Spiritual, as opposed to religious.
** Knowing in the intuitive sense. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intuitive_knowledge
*** Many people know what bio-hacking is, (it's learning new information about health/wellness and trying things on yourself to see if they work for you), but I do the same with my inner/spiritual life, hence the term eso-hacking. (thought my daughter might like that invented word)

Week 2 - Off Kilter and paralyzed by information.

This is a personal post about my own path and getting off track. I'll do my best not to whine, but I feel like it's important to share my experience with battling my impulses this weekend and on into this week. I am having a hard time focusing on my goal. What is my goal? Why do I feel it's important enough to give my effort to it? Why am I pushing/pulling myself so hard? 

My husband and I have each had our own big life lesson cycles this summer. I had no idea when I launched into the summer, that we would be entering this new phase of our lives. My experience was a month of of learning the 'dark side' of the fitness industry- mostly related to sales and the financial aspect of the industry, but also the one-sidedness of focusing on the physical body above all else. I came away from that realizing my body has a LOT to tell me about how I'm doing socially, spiritually and mentally, and that all the lifting, swinging and running in the world will not solve my feeling of isolation, and can actually sometimes feed my social anxiety as I become less 'average' than most my age. I am still sorting through it all, but I came away from that experience knowing my purpose is to help others heal, balance and optimize their lives and that I do poorly making my financial return the primary impetus for choosing how I make my way in the world. That said, I do like my lifestyle, so what's a girl to do? Flash forward to my husband's life lesson last week. MY role in his experience was to support him with all the tools I have at my disposal, which included massive food prep, mad telephone skills and the patience to listen (not-so) calmly as he shared with me his own lessons. It was also a very important lesson for me in offering suggestions, but not insisting things be the way I see them playing out. He made many important discoveries that, had I nagged, he may not have learned so profoundly. I also felt quite helpless as he spun out into places of fear and anxiety (which I struggle with daily in my own head).

Last week was 'get back on track' with the Whole30 while he was gone, but left to my own devices with my nebulous daily schedule, I have not made the commitment to Whole30 like I thought I would, and even my workouts have become hit or miss. Because my schedule has me 'playing house' most of the day, I would find myself repeatedly eating more than I need because I love to cook and I love to eat and every little inspiration or craving had me back in the kitchen feeding that love. However, I ended up also feeding my cravings as well as my loneliness and my boredom. As a result, I am feeling like I have failed myself in this latest challenge. Although I am staying away from alcohol, wheat and sugar, corn made an appearance this weekend, as did cocoa, and I again reminded myself that dairy doesn't serve me well in most cases. Corn is a definite 'no', but I have decided that for me, raw cacao, cacao butter and dark cocoa powder (raw, natural, etc.) is allowed, even welcomed into my diet - in moderation. I allow myself 2 t. cacao powder in my coffee in the morning and in my Paleo nuggets at night (two nuggets maximum!).

There's more to this exploration, though. I am fighting the line between obsessing about my food and wantonly eating with abandon. We are so fortunate to have a surplus of food most of the time, but the reality is that there is still a lot in our 'healthy' cupboards that may or may not benefit our overall health and that is what is most puzzling to me.

This morning as I once again woke up berating myself for 'not doing' what I thought I should, I realized that my parameters for what is 'good' is the thing that is driving me crazy. There is a point at which opposing information can paralyze a person. So here I sit, drinking Spark and Emergen-C (But it's laden with chemicals!) and cold herbal tea to calm my stomach after too much dairy (but it's pasture-raised whey protein!) and craving eggs (but many people are sensitive to egg protein - am I one of them?!) and thinking about what to prepare for our supper tonight (but our meat isn't pasture raised!... but it's free to us so we are not 'supporting' agribusiness... or are we?!).  All this whilst I watch the minutes tick away until I know I must do a workout (do I run or do I swing 'bells in my backyard?! Don't want to blow it all out because I have ladies night tonight!).

For the rest of the week, I am regrouping, reprioritizing and PUTTING TOGETHER A DAILY SCHEDULE. I need to let go of what doesn't serve me once and for all (Guilt, do you hear me?! This is your eviction notice!), and focus on my 'big rocks' to coin a Stephen Covey term (Check out the story behind the reference here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to-DyF3AL3o).

Sometimes taking a step back to regroup is what is needed. I feel like I haven't adequately regrouped so I am still shotgunning my approach to my health - I'm hitting a few things but overall I'm just putting a lot of random energy out there and making a bit of a mess. Time to reel things in, get clear, get focussed and build the life I want.

I welcome insights, suggestions and encouragement on Facebook or via email, but for the remainder of the week, my blog will be silent until I can be clear about my plan. This is an act of respect for myself and my goals. And your time, because who wants to read a big long post about failure every week?

Day 2 - Slow re-adjustment

Yesterday was a stressful day for me personally. I had a lot to do and a lot on my mind. However, I managed to keep to the eating plan. I actually ended up stretching my eating times out so I 'missed' a meal. However, I did not have an intense workout in the mix - I went for a run, but no heaving lifting, so that 5th meal wasn't necessary.

I ended up with an empty tank at about 8:45 or so, and woke up this morning feeling really well rested, but the body is stiff and sore. I had a massage yesterday, which helped but today is a pilates/yoga/walk day instead of the originally planned strength training day.

Foodwise, I've come up with some interesting combinations. In the fridge right now are the following READY TO EAT items (everything is homemade):

• Chicken breasts
• Whole chicken meat - deboned (mostly...)
• Almond milk
• Cooked collard green leaves, ready for wraps
• Roasted sweet potato, zucchini, carrot and onion topped with roasted beets
• blueberry vinnaigrette
• roasted strawberry vinaigrette
• ginger mayonnaise (the ginger was a happy accident - I grabbed it instead of mustard!)
• A HUGE bruised kale salad with shredded carrot, slivered red onion and cabbage
• Salmon Burgers
• sauerkraut
• chai tea
• boiled eggs

I think there may be a few other items in there I'm forgetting. However, today was a low-energy day. I am pretty sore and detox-y, so just a brisk walk this morning and some pilates this evening. It's been a tough day foodwise and a lot of old demons came back this evening but my last meal of the day had protein and was all Whole30 approved, so I stayed on track in that respect, and that's enough for today.

Next Chapter, Day One, Whole30 Paleo Lean-Down

Blame it on my creative and dramatic mother, but I like to imagine my life as a grand drama, played out in scenes and acts and chapters. This latest chapter comes after a fairly quick but deep shake-up in my world. I was laid off just as I was thinking it was time to make my next step, but not sure what that step was. I managed to land what seemed like a great transition job right out of the gate, transitioning from office admin-type work into the fitness/coaching realm. After literally dropping EVERYTHING that gave me strength, pleasure, meaning and purpose to put all my energy into the new job, I realized what I'd done: I'd given up all the things that gave me strength, pleasure, meaning and purpose for a job that was hollow and misguided. Fortunately, I have a phenomenal support system and I reached out into the Universe and pulled myself out of that mess after only a month of my life sacrificed to that important life lesson.

The stress of that energy shift and tidal wave of stress took its toll and many of my healthy habits that keep me running strong in body, mind AND spirit went by the wayside. Last week in my first week as a self-proclaimed housewife and life-coach-in-training, I did a double soul-retrieval (for the extra woo-woo out there), regrounded and just got back in touch with my body-mind-spirit feedback loop. I had to clean out a whole mess of guilt and shame over 'failing' so profoundly and using psychic alchemy, transform my 'failure' into a poignant and profound teachable moment for my Self. I did some edible soothing and claimed every bite of chocolate, every sip of wine and every handful of chips. Towards the end of last week, I met with my amazing think-tank of fellow women coaches-in-training, had some acupuncture done and started planning my re-entry into Healthy-land. (I've got to think of a better name...)

I made my friend, Shasonta's AMAZEBALLS cleansing smoothie yesterday (check it out at shasonta.wordpress.com) and cut out coffee and conventional sugars. Today it's a slow farewell to dairy and fruit sugars. You see, I forgot that little nugget when I was making my smoothie at 6am and tossed a 1/2 a banana and whey protein powder into my smoothie. I'm also weaning off the Flax milk I have as I feel it has too many additives for my version of Whole 30. The goal this time around is a bit different. It's a bit more specific.

While I truly appreciate and will continue to adhere to as much of the Whole 30 principles as possible, I want to blend it with what I have learned and what I love about the science of my own body. I love being able to track and measure crap. Maybe it's the OC tendencies or just keeping my monkey mind busy, but I believe this is a crucial way to bridge people from the idea of having to count calories and eat low fat to a more whole foods approach to losing weight AND gaining life-long health and fitness. In essence, I'm developing my own 'product'. This experiment will become my template for my Transformational Life Coaching packages. But I'm getting off on a tangent. Back to today....

Today, on day one of the "Whole 30 Paleo Lean-Down"(tm) , my whole body is messing with me - head to toe (literally). I am suffering the physical karma of eating crap for the last week. I am bloated, my elimination (aka: poop and pee) schedule is all over the place, my joints hurt and I have severe brain fog. But above all, my focus is to stay focused on my goal (performing a bodybuilder style lean-down using Whole30 principles) while practicing radical self-love. I am also using chinese medicine's food recommendations to help get things back in balance. This is very specific to my current issues and since I'm not well-versed in chinese medicine, I'll leave commentary on those food-choices to other blogger, writers and scientists.

I am documenting my food intake at MyFitnessPal.com and on Tumblr, I am posting weekly full-body shots of me in some shorts that I bought juuuust as I started gaining weight (about 6 weeks ago). Yes, I gained about 15 lbs since my last Whole30, and it is doubtful that much of that is muscle gain, although I managed to limp along with my workout routines. My workout routines can be found at Fitocracy.com under the username LullabyMoon, too, for the whole enchilada.  This is serious, folks!

Next up: Morning Walks and HALTing

Hiring a Housekeeper and rumblings of New Blog

For those who don't know, I recently was laid off. This was not a bad thing, but it was an abrupt wake-up to me that I had been 'cocooning' long enough and it was time to start the next leg of my journey. In a whirlwind of inspiration and openness to whatever came to me, I landed myself a new job. I basically ended my last day of work on my usual Thursday, and by the following Tuesday, I was offered a new job.

Since one of the things on my bucket list was to get certified to be a Personal Trainer, I applied for a Sales position that required a CPT but that said they would certify me. This was my big red neon sign flashing from the Universe that it was waiting for me to get to it. So, through the first week, I was studying, scrambling and testing for all my certifications (CPT, First Aid, Infant and Adult CPR and AED).

So here I am, officially in my second week, and am just barely now coming up for air. It's been a HUGE adjustment: New industry, new schedule, going from working 25 hrs on the clock to over 40, and to top it all off, I did a cleanse for the first 10 days of my employment as well as bike commuting again after 2 weeks off, and back at the gym after about 4 wks off. I barely know which way is up, but I am watching this weird and very cool metamorphosis of my priorities. I am realizing what a stranglehold I had on keeping order in my home, but I'm finding that I just can't keep it up.

You may say "You're getting older. I can't keep up". I see it more as "I'm getting older and I'm really honing in on how I prioritize my time and energy." It's a matter asking myself whether it's worth it to do the everyday cleaning of keeping up with my own standards, or let my standards go.

I chose option three: pay someone to keep up my standards. For many years, I made money cleaning other peoples' homes for pay as well as keeping up my own home. I know what hard but rewarding work it can be. I also know how far that extra money can go. When I was younger, I remember going to my aunt and uncle's and they were picking up their toys because their housekeeper was coming that day. I thought them terribly rich, extravagant - and I am somewhat ashamed to admit - wasteful. Now, here I am, weighing what is 'extravagant' against my sanity and my commitment to the task at hand of moving forward on my journey.

With all these changes, and these new insights from all this new stimuli, I feel like the title 'Edible Discoveries' no longer captures the essence of all my discoveries of late.  However, I don't want narrow my blog to only one topic. I'm not sure exactly what the 'theme' of the next blog will be, but it will be under the title of Artemis Moon Journeys. For more about why I have named the new blog as such, please visit the new blog - once it's up - at: www.artemismoonjourneys.blogspot.com

I'll try to resurface soon, and post a few more recipe/foodie ideas here and let you know when we anticipate the official 'grand opening' of the new blog.

I Survived!

First, I want to give a shout-out to a few people: Kerri, Sorry I missed you. There were a lot of people and we probably should have at least tried to figure out what heat your fella was in. Thanks to the lady who commented on my shirt and said I inspired her (excuse me while I get a little veclempt), and how inspiring to ME to hear multiple 'trainers' out there encouraging their friends/clients. A special thank you to my mother who drove all the way out, held our stuff, went back and forth to the car a few times and waited an hour to see us cross the finish line ... and missed us (I will say, Erik and I were pretty quick over the last hill). She came even though fitness competitions and especially that race environment are not her cup of tea. And most MOST importantly, I want to thank my wonderful, supportive husband, for supporting me the most by actually running right along with me for most of the time, and holding my hand across the finish line.

I feel a renewed sense of hope and strength on my health/fitness journey. Yes, I've gained some weight in the last few weeks due to stress eating, but I continue to learn about myself, how I operate in my world, and how my world - be it advertising and media, my circle of friends or my work/home environment - operates in me. I found myself looking in mirrors as I passed by them, and notice my image of myself has changed again - on the one hand, I am less than pleased with what I'm seeing, but I understand how much stronger and healthier I look than I did last year. This last week, I did a lot of picking apart of myself. My new awesome clothes have been fitting a bit tight and my food choices have been less than stellar. It's been easy to find reasons to beat myself up, and not as many reasons to build myself up.

This race was an important litmus test. It gave me the opportunity to see how strong and adaptable I am in real-life challenges. I had to run up, down, through woods, through mud, jump over walls, climb 5' high mud walls, crawl through sewer-type tubes, wade through the snohomish river, high run through tires, swung like a monkey and generally had a good time. It reminded me again, why I train. But it also showed me how far I have to go yet. With my nutrition plan out of whack, I need to really buckle down on getting my workouts in as well. This next week is dedicated to detox and baseline testing. I'll be testing my strength on 10-12 key moves to then be able to set some realistic goals. More on that on another post.



On the drive home, I listened to my current favourite podcast: Abel James' Fat Burning Man. As he  interviewed the AMAZING Kelly Starrett who BLEW. MY. MIND. Oddly enough, I'd been drawn to this guy a couple times before. I had a friend recommend his website,  www.mobilitywod.com and then a week or so ago,  I saw an ad for his new book (admittedly, while on his website), which intrigued me and I had gone looking for it at the library. His perspective on the human movement as a necessary skill really hit home what I need to be doing: I need to be helping people fully express themselves as humans. I look forward now to cleansing the system and starting fresh for summer - 2 weeks until summer officially begins!

Chicken WOGs in the crock pot or the burly pot - A multitude of meals

I know many of you Crossfitters see 'WOG' and think 'WOD', but no...WOG is a term my husband and I use. He works for a food delivery service that offers whole chickens 'without giblets' as an option. On his manifest, and on the package, it simply says 'Whole Chicken WOG'.

Burly pot is a term my mother-in-law introduced to me. She bought me a HUGE cast iron cook pot in our favourite colour for the kitchen - RED. She calls it a burly pot because you have to be pretty burly to be able to heft it around the kitchen. I love this pot. It's a little bigger than I would normally use, but it has a lot of sentimental value, and all-in-all, it's a wonderful pot.

With summer on the horizon, we do a lot of make-ahead large recipes, so when we are too busy biking, hiking, gardening or just laying out in the sun catching up on our reading, we have some tasty meals ready to assemble in the fridge.

Last night and this morning was another cooking frenzy. I prepped a kale salad, made breakfast bites (recipe to follow), oven baked some whole sweet potatoes and made a WOG in the burly pot. I chose the burly pot over the crock pot because by the time I got home and prepped the chicken, it was almost 7 and I wanted to go to bed before midnight ;-) Which cooking method I use largely depends on how much time I have, but they usually net very similar results.  The crockpot is more forgiving with time - you can be an hour late home from work and not ruin the dish - but the burly pot lends a slightly more 'roasted' flavour.

WOGs are so quick and easy. This method I use to utilizing as much of a whole chicken as possible  may seem daunting, but it's really just 3 or 4 processing steps that each take about 5 minutes. They just have to be spaced accordingly, but it is possible to slip an extra 5 minutes in the kitchen into your evening and morning routines and have a regular supply of home cooked chicken to last for at least 3 meals each week.

Step 0: In Case of Frozen WOG, add this step to the timing of your recipe.

The first step for you may be thawing the chicken, which adds an extra day to your planning process. I usually cheat and put my wog in a large bowl of cold water, changing water every 30 minutes or so until it feels 'wiggly', meaning I can move it around enough to scoop out any ice chunks in the cavity.

Step One: Seasoning and cooking the WOG.

This is usually the least time consuming part of this whole process. I rinse the chicken and pat it dry. Then I either rub a spice mix on it and just toss it in the crock, or sometimes I slather it with salsa and stuff it with a quartered onion. Last night, I used a few handfulls of my saved veg scraps that I keep in the freezer, a green apple, some chunks of lemon and Trader Joe's Everyday seasoning. Whatever the flavour I'm trying to achieve, I tend to follow the same pattern I've laid out below. I cook according to the directions for the method used. For the crockpot, I cook on high for 4-5 hours and on low 8-10 hours. For the burly pot I cook on 275 for a few hours or on 350 for about an hour and a half - until my thermometer says 175-180.

Step Two: Disassembling your WOG

Once it's done cooking, I take the lid off and let it sit for just a few minutes. Then I pull the whole chicken out to cool on a plate and leave all the veg and broth in the pot. If we are eating some of it hot for dinner that night, we'll slice those pieces off and let the rest cool to room temp while we enjoy our meal. I'm sure the health and safety police would insist it go directly into the refrigerator to cool, but besides the fact that it is difficult to work with when it's cold, it loses some of the flavour and gets soggy instead of juicy (don't ask me to explain the difference, just trust me: there is).

Once it's cool enough to handle, I pull all the meat off the bones - as much as possible, but not being vigilant about it. I leave the tendons, bones and skin on the plate and put the meat in a glass container with a lock-tight lid and put it in the fridge for other recipes.


Step Three: Making Stock

What's left on the plate is put back in the pot and the pot is filled with cold water. At this point I may or may not add spice. If I do, I prefer dried spice, as it lends more flavour with lengthy cooking time like making stock. I then put the lid on, turn the heat down to as low as possible (my crockpot has a 'keep warm' setting, and I use a heat diffuser on my gas stove) and let it go. I've done it for as little as 30 minutes (at a medium setting) or as long as 10 hours (that was on the lowest setting -170- in the oven, or in the crockpot on keep warm). Once you're ready to move on, turn the heat off, take the lid off and let it cool.

A thought about letting it cool: if you let it just cool to 'working temperature' you will have more fat in your stock than if you let it cool completely (or put it in the refrigerator to cool). If you wait until it's completely cold, the fat will rise to the top and coagulate, sticking to the debris in the collander when you strain it. Plan according to the results you want.

Step Four: Storing Stock

Once your pot has cooled enough for your purposes, grab a compost or garbage can, a big collander and another big pot or bowl. Scoop as much of the bones and debris out of the pot with a slotted spoon and toss it in the can.

I used to just use the collander and then try to pick out the last bits of meat from the debris, but I gave that up. The meat didn't have much flavour and probably had most of the nutrition boiled out of it anyway. I figured all the good stuff was all in the stock, so I quit saving the boiled meat.

Once you have most of the big chunks out, put the collander in/over the big bowl and pour the liquid in. Toss what's in the collander in the can. You now have a big bowl of chicken stock. I either pour mine in quart jars and put them in the fridge, or pour it in gallon bags and freeze them. It all depends on how much stock is in my fridge and what time of year it is. I go through a lot more stock in the winter than the summer, but I eat chicken pretty much year round.

Energy Bars - cooked and raw

6 dates
1/4 c. hazelnuts
1 banana
1/4 c. chia
1/4 c. flax seed
1/4 c. sesame seeds
1/2 c. coconut
1.4 c. cocoa
2 T. coconut cream
1/2 t. vanilla extract
1/4 c. dried cranberries, cherries and/or blueberries
1/4 c. mini-chocolate chips or cacao nibs (!)
1/4 t. cinnamon (optional)

1) Add dates and hazelnuts in the food processor and process until they are finely ground.
2) Add banana and mix until it's a paste.
3) Add the rest of the ingredients and continue to process until it's thoroughly mixed.
4) Press into a 9x9 baking pan and refrigerate until set. Cut into bite-sized pieces and keep separated with wax paper in a container and keep container in the fridge.

Cooked version:

1) Repeat above instructions 1-3, adding 1/4 c. coconut flour and 1 egg to final ingredients.
2) Press into 9x9 baking pan and bake at 300 for 15-20 minutes.
3) Remove from oven and let cool. Cut and store in the fridge, separating with wax paper.

Whole 30 Wrap-Up

I realized today that I had completed my Whole30 challenge and hadn't written anything about it. In fact, I forgot to measure myself, but I did reluctantly weigh myself. I knew I'd gained from last week- i'm feeling more puffy this week, but I know it's the normal  hormonal flux that ebbs and flows every month. However, this time, I was not up my usual 5 lbs. I am weighing 'heavy' at what used to be my low weight. THIS GIVES ME HOPE! It also reinforces my connection with my body.

My body feels amazing, but I think my emotional cleanse is still working itself out.

Spiritual Supper Magick

I've been doing a lot of new cooking this week. I've been trying some new recipes and honing some standards. Mentally, I have started making the shift back to tracking my food, just to see what comes up. I logged my breakfast and lunch the way I usually do.

Two things I noticed: I didn't finish my breakfast because I felt full before the food was gone. But when I started putting it into the computer, I felt compelled to FINISH MY FOOD. Not out of hunger, but because I'd written it down. It's the reverse intention of what tracking is supposed to do for us!

The other thing I noticed was that, after going through the usual routine of having to log my recipes and then log how much of the recipe I ate, or just logging all the ingredients into each meal, I looked down at my totals to check my macros (Macros are the target measure of major food components like protein, fats, fiber, etc.) and I felt the usual 'panic' that I 'only' had 'x#' calories left.

But, having peeked, I started to plan a high protein, high veg meal. I mean, why not? But I did remember that it's important to honour our love of food, too, so I decided to make a Whole30 dessert.

For supper, I literally came into the kitchen and said aloud my intention to be inspired and to follow my intuition towards something that fit what I wanted to accomplish (healthy, high protein and veg with flavour and good mouthfeel, brightly coloured and absolutely delicious). And then it began. I felt myself literally reaching for things before they became conscious thought in my mind. I meditated the necessary ingredients into my consciousness like a bubbling spring. It was amazing. What come out wasn't perfect, but it's just what we needed: a nourishing, tasty meal and an inspired recipe for me to try again!

FISH PATTIES

I admit, I was kind of thinking 'healthy Filet-o-Fish' , because we have been trying to get rid of this cod we have that is inedible, but a great source of protein. Here's what We came up with:

1 lb. cod filets, or any light flavoured fish (I'm trying it with tilapia next)
1/4 c. macadamia nuts
1 t. smoked paprika
1 /4 t. red chili flakes
1 t. Trader Joe's African Smoke Seasoning
1 t. himalayan salt
1 lg. clove garlic, crushed
1 egg
1/4 + 1/4 c. almond flour, or 2 T. coconut flour

Put the fish, the nuts and the spices in the food processor and grind it aaaaaall up. It's gonna look pink. Transfer it to a mixing bowl, and add egg and 1/4 c. almond flour or 2 Tbsp. coconut flour and mix it up with your hands. Form into patties. If you are using almond flour, carefully coat both sides of the patty.

Heat a frying pan on medium and then add a teaspoon of fat and put the patty in the pan to cook  - about 3 minutes on each side.

While that was cooking I carmelized a half an onion in olive oil and a dash of salt and then added zucchini that had been 'spaghetti'ed by my awesome spiral slicer. I put these in the center of the plate, set the hot patty on top, and then topped it with my homemade fresh tarter sauce.

... and then there was DESSERT!

When I was doing research for energy bars, I ran across a simple nut ball recipe that I kept thinking about. When I came home and started smelling phantom smells of this recipe that I'd never made, I thought I'd better give it a try. It very simply is a Coconut Lime Truffle. and it's glorious.

Here's the direct link to the recipe: HERE

I really didn't do anything different, other than squeezing a lime and a half without measuring, but if I used a little more lime, it'd still rock. I made the balls. I think all that's missing is a shot of rum on the side.

Turkey Sausage patties

I tried a modification of a friend of mine's recipe and really liked it. Today, I'm altering it again in an effort to make a good all around meat-base, for patties or balls.

I make a vegetable meat substitute using a recipe I got from my dear friend, Juanita Juchau's self-published cookbook: "Lean and Green Unleashed: The Peckish Pixie's Creative Approach to Low Calorie, Low Carbohydrate High Protein Fine Dining" (Get it: HERE). It gives me a GREAT way to make my veggies and my meat to go farther by using parts of the vegetable that often just get tossed in the compost. It's also a GREAT way to get additional vegetables in your daily intake.

You'll want to collect about 2 cups of mushroom stems, zucchini peels, celery tops, leek greens, broccoli stalks, onion tips, wilted carrots, even parsley and cilantro stems. Cut them into similar sized pieces and put in the food processor.

Process until you have fine ground veg.

Squeeze the juice out of the mix.

 Toss the lot in a microwaveable bowl with paper towel over the top.

Microwave for 4-5 minutes, stir and cook another 4-5 minutes. Let it cool.

GROUND MEAT BASE

1 lb. extra lean ground turkey
1 c. ground veg mix
1 small apple
1/2 c. hazelnuts
1/4 c. basil
2 crushed garlic cloves
1 1/2 t. Trader Joe's Everyday Seasoning
1/2 t. smoked paprika
1 t. ground cumin
1 egg

In a large bowl, put in the turkey, the veg mix, the spices and the egg. Using a food processor, combine the apple, hazelnuts and basil until it is finely ground. Add the apple mix to the meat mix and you've got your meat base. I tried it as both meatballs and patties and it's quite tasty! I especially like the added crunch that the nuts give it.

Home Stretch - lessons learned and Dehydrated in the middle of the ocean.

So, it's Mother's Day today and we are headed to the country club for a Mother's Day brunch with/for my mother-in-law. These family gatherings are the toughest for me, as there are some serious differences in lifestyle between me and my husband and his older brother and his wife. My mother-in-law is a true blessing and has her own strong convictions about how food can heal our break our bodies, so I always feel supported by her when I have to politely decline food at a family gathering. Buffets and potlucks are easier to navigate, but a sit-down dinner is always a challenge.

Today, though, I'm in the final stages of my Whole30. This week-end I experimented with adding some new ingredients into my diet. I feel the sugar demon waking from her 2 week slumber and i'm not sure if it's that I have been eating more dried fruit this week-end or because this is a 'normal' hormone fluctuation in me. Either way, I'm keenly aware that the countdown to my 'celebration' of completing the Whole30 is imminent, and I want to honour that, but at the same time, I feel so great, I don't really want to 'quit' eating like this. So, I'm taking today to figure out how to navigate the menu at the country club but also how to approach the next few months of active adventures and gatherings in regards to the food I eat.

The one thing I can say with confidence is that my approach to eating is WAY more conscious than it used to be. Eating was such a regimented and planned thing for me in the past, but now I am checking in with my body most of the time. Rather than looking at the clock and looking at my daily macro requirements to determine what and when to eat, I'm able to check in with my body to see if I'm hungry, tired, bored or lonely and then when it's time to eat, picking my food choices more organically and less clinically. I will be once again tracking my food starting next week, simply because I have a race that I'm doing in a few weeks and I want to tweak my performance for that. This time, however, it will be much more about just keeping an eye on intake and not a tool to plan what I eat. It will be another new experience for me, and one I look forward to.

For today I will be using the skills I have gained to navigate through our western culture of tons of 'food' barraging us and not much real nutrition to be found anywhere. It reminds me of that adage about being stranded in the ocean: 'water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink'. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for healthy, whole foods in my community and beyond!

More Sauces!

I know I just posted a couple days ago about sauces, but I found a few more, and wanted to post them here real quick. I will add more pictures as soon as I make more of each of these, I promise.

MAYONNAISE

I use the recipe from Melissa Joulwan's blog, The Clothes Make The Girl. And believe me - the key to luscious, creamy mayonnaise is:
  a) letting things get to room temp for long enough, and
  b) under NO circumstances do you rush the emulsion process.

Patience has NEVER been a virtue of mine, so I have steered clear of making my own. My excuse was always that it was cheaper to buy a store bought jar than wreck 3 batches before I made a good batch. But with age comes wisdom. And maybe just a little more patience. Mostly because I feel like it's worth it to make my own.

This time, I realized I was out of mustard (either that or I misplaced it - someday I'll reveal my spice cupboard...). So, I did what most innovators and inventors do: I improvised. I also got a tip from Trader Joe that 'wasabi mayo' is actually a thing and hey, I have wasabi powder...

Give yourself at least 4 hrs lead time and possibly 1 hr post/chill time. In a pinch, you can follow the last-minute instructions, but you'll still need an hour.

1 large farm fresh egg
1 lemon
1/2 t. salt
1/2-1 t. wasabi powder
1 1/4 c extra light (MUST be at least light, trust me) olive oil

Let your egg and lemon (and olive oil) sit on the counter for at least 4 hours to get them to room temperature. THIS IS A MUST. If you are short on time, crack the egg and put it in the food processor, and squeeze the lemon an leave it on the counter and let them sit for at least 30 minutes to 1 hr.

Once they're at room temp, add the lemon juice, spices and ONLY 1/4c. olive oil and begin processing/blending for about 20-30 seconds.

If your food processor doesn't have a 'drizzle hole' (I'm sure there is a more accurate word for that), make one by poking a toothpick sized hole in a paper cup and holding it over the machine's 'hatch'. Begin drizzling the remaining 1 cup olive oil into the whirring concoction. This will take 2-3 minutes, but the toothpick-sized hole will keep you from getting antsy and dumping too much in. If it's dripping and not coming out in a smooth stream, try wiggling the toothpick in the hole a bit to make it just a little bigger.

Once it's done, scoop into a jar. It will last about a week longer than your eggs, but if you're using fresh eggs, it's unlikely you'll have any mayo left by the time it expires, because you will want to use it on and in everything. The mayo is a fabulous base for other sauces.

GHEE

Ghee is clarified butter, or butter without the milk solids in it - it's pure fat. And gorgeous. And delicious. Like mayonnaise, it takes patience and practice, but it can be made relatively simply and it's worth the time. Use it to cook with or dip fresh grilled prawns in it.

About an hour in the kitchen
1 lb. pastured butter (Kerrygold unsalted is what I use)
small saucepot
The ability to get your stove on suuuper low heat - you might even try a double boiler (?)
tea ball or small mesh strainer
knife or small spatula

Put the butter in the saucepot and turn the stove on as low as it will go. Let the butter gently melt. Don't stir, but you can move the hunk around very slowly in the pan if you feel like you need to. The goal is to not disturb the milk solids that will be separating from the oil. It will start out getting frothy on the top. If at any time, it starts to actually bubble or look like it's going to simmer, your heat is too high. I had to use a heat diffuser on my  gas stove.

Once everything is melted, you'll start to notice white foam on the top. This is where patience and a gentle hand are key. Start gently moving the foam to one edge with the spatula. Using the strainer or an open tea ball, scoop out the foam and get rid of it. I have a pile of paper towels next to the stove that I dump/smack/smear them onto. I also run the strainer under hot water and pat it dry when it starts getting too coated. Keep at this, gently moving the solids that are on the top off to the side.

About halfway through, you'll start being able to see through to the bottom, and you'll see solids on the bottom. LEAVE THEM THERE. They will stick to the bottom of the pot and make it infinitely easier to separate them. However, if you notice they are turning colour from white/light yellow to beige/brown, that means the heat is on to high. Keep the heat low. I have taken the burner covers from the other burners and stacked them up to get the pan off the heat before I had the heat diffuser.

Once you have gotten almost all the foam off the top, turn off the burner and let it sit for just a minute or two, so any residual floating solids can sink to the bottom (or float to the top so you can snag them before moving on to the next step)

Now is the moment of truth. you will very carefully take the saucepot off the burner and start slowly pouring the oil through your strainer and into a bowl. I use a clear pyrex measuring cup (see below) so that I can see any lingering solids that might seep through. This also allows me to make a bit of a mess pouring out of my saucepot, since it doesn't have a pour spout and my pyrex cup is wider than my pot, so drips off the bottom of the pot will end up in the dish. As you pour, you hopefully will see that the solids at the bottom are staying stuck to the bottom, or at least, not mixing with the pure ghee. Once it's all contained and looks totally clear, you can store it on the shelf if you plan to use it in the next week or two. Otherwise, I recommend keeping it in the fridge - it'd be a shame for all your hard work to get rancid, especially with the weather heating up.

The end result looks and tastes divine.

I have more sauces and dips, but these are two pretty labour intensive ones that I wanted to post before I forgot!

T-7

There has been an interesting development in my cravings in the last two days.

I'm not having them.

Not only am I not having them, I keep checking in with myself at the usual times and situations going, "Really? You're not hungry? You're not craving X because of such-and-such? Are you sure?! ... Okay...". Like my inner demon has been kicked off the playground. There are two Costco-sized bags of tortilla chips in my pantry and a brand new jar of sunbutter. Last night I even opened it up and took a scoop just out of pure-unthinking habit. It tasted good, but after the second scoop (okay, third, but they were small scoops), I realized I was doing it out of habit, not out of a craving (or even genuine hunger). I don't know if this will last or if last week-end was my last sugar-craving extravaganza, but for now I'm grateful. And sooo happy to be free of that inner demon, even if it's just a temporary holiday. Now that I'm kicking my true addiction, I have so much more respect and compassion for those kicking more publicized addictions.

However, there is a distinct difference between something like alcoholism and food addiction. You may be able to live without alcohol for the rest of your life, but you can't just STOP eating food. You have to repair your relationship with food, somewhat like repairing your relationship with a loved one. To truly be successful, you have to work at it, talk through your issues and resolve them. It takes a LOT of effort and humility in the beginning, but with every success comes newfound resolve and self-esteem. ...although... This is the ideal method for alcoholism recovery too, so, you know... pick your analogy.

My point is - no cravings! But hunger does hit me and when it does, I do need to be ready or I tend to panic. There was a time last week, when I was trying to clear out the fridge to make way for the (surprise) party, and I couldn't think of anything quick and ended up eating ... sunbutter. So, tonight I'm making turkey sausage medallions, spicy crackers and fresh mayo.

But I'm hungry. So first, I need to eat.

Weekend Update: Big Party and Countdown - 9 more days...

This is the first really GREAT weather we've had here over the weekend and it was an outdoors/short-shorts-and-tank-top kind of week-end. I have secretly been planning a surprise 40th birthday party for my husband for the last few weeks so the weather could not have been better for an outdoor gathering. My mother-in-law had a stroke of genius and had a taco truck come to cater the shebang. This was great for everyone - except me. For me, it was a day of overwhelming temptation in my own home. Tortilla chips are my kryptonite and they were everywhere. There was gooey, chocolate cake. And Pecan Pie. And cider. Vodka. Top shelf tequilla.

I admit, I at a LOT of nuts, a LOT of fruits and drank about a gallon of water in an effort to grab ANYTHING that wasn't a direct temptation. I also finished off the last 1/4 c. of sunflower seed butter. As the crowd was lining up at the taco truck, I was in the kitchen making myself a taco salad with tuna, avocados and cherry tomatoes, and topped with a dressing of fresh salsa and homemade mayo. It was darn tasty, and the taco truck food is fortunately not a huge trigger for me, but the party atmosphere brings out my inner crave-demon.

All day, I was faced with "Am I going to put that in my mouth" and I managed to work my way through my healthy thought process every single time, as much of a bummer as it was sometimes to have to turn down chocolate fudge cake. But I know myself, and I knew the effort of saying no to that one bite is infinitely easier than saying no to the second, third and fourth bites that would inevitably come, if I had opened the floodgates to temptation. So, I compromised with lots of fresh fruit. I'm not sure if it was the jovial party atmosphere or the crave-demon in me looking for a sugar rush, but the fruit was sooo flavourful and I really dialed into how sweet and juicy and tangy each strawberry, grape and orange slice was. I only wish I'd made some kind of coconut fruit dip. 

At the end of the night, after a wonderful day with friends and family, I did finally, consciously decide to 'cheat' and I tried a lime diet coke. Many of you (my husband included) pointed out that for most people, that would be the healthy choice they made over drinking a straight up coke (or even vodka-coke), but for me, the 'chemical shit storm' (to coin a phrase from the book Skinny Bitch, by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin) was a departure from the clean, fresh food I've been eating the last 20 days. Do I feel like I 'failed' my Whole30? Not really. But in the end, I don't think it was worth the 'cheat'. I like the bubbles, but the chemically sweetness found in diet sodas doesn't do it for me anymore. I'd rather have sparkling water with a few slices of fruit in it.

This is the last full week of Whole30 eating and I'm a total convert. I still have some emotional eating issues to work through, but the change in my moods, my energy level and my body are enough to keep me eating as close to Whole30 from now on. I do have in mind some kind of celebratory supper once we are done, and I will slowly add in some things that I've missed, like yogurt, to see how I do with them. But for today, I'm sticking with my healthy lunch, healthy snack and a breakfast of egg whites and fruit smoothie. And coffee. Always with coffee.

Saturday - Energy Bars

I went to a Bodybuilding/Fitness/Figure/Physique/Powerlifting/National-Qualifying competition yesterday - a.k.a.: The Emerald Cup. Without getting into my own personal issues with driving in big cities, water bottles exploding and parking in the wrong parking garage, it was an educational experience. I saw people who have been working for months for their 15 minutes of static holds (with the exception of the fitness competitors, who also put together a 2 minute acrobatic routine!). I saw one of the people I admire, Tanji Johnson (Check out her amazing fitness routine: here.) and I saw a lot of women on stage who I felt comparable to in size and fitness. I see myself every day and we are our worst critics, so I don't see myself as that lean and cut, but it seemed like they weren't that different from me once they were off the stage and walking down the hall towards me. When my friend's coach approached me (for the 3rd time) asking me if I was ready to be up on stage next year, I realized I have to once again re-adjust my self-image.

I also did a little retail therapy with my husband yesterday and today because, as some of you may know who follow me on Facebook, I have about 2 pair of pants and 1 pair of shorts that actually still fit me. I am not complaining, but it certainly is frustrating trying to feel good and proud of the work I've done on my body only to disguise it in baggy clothes. It's also terribly unattractive to be hitching up your pants every 10th step.

In the spirit of showing off what I've worked so hard to create, I promised myself NO BLACK, and came home with some fabulous bright, tropical coloured shorts, tops and  and even a dress, shoes and a belt. I happily shopped for size 8's and even ended up taking home a pair of just-a-bit-snug size 6 workout capris. Just last year I was in too snug 12s and inching towards 14. That's a HUGE difference, even though the scale only says I have lost about 12 lbs.

And in the spirit of the Whole30, I needed to make some easy carry-along foods for my husband's and my beloved 'epic' hikes/bikerides. Usually I grab a few protein bars and some chocolate covered raisins and nuts, but protein bars are definitely NOT on the menu, so I went to the interweb to find some paleo-friendly energy bar recipes. I found a few, added my own twist and came up with the following. They were good- a little greasier than I'd like, so next time, I'm thinking of adding more coconut flakes and more flax seed meal. I'm naming them after my husband, Erik, and also our term 'epic' hike/bikeride.

Epik Sports Energy Bars

• 12-14 dates, pitted
• 1 c dried apricots
• 1/4 c. flax seed meal
• 1 c. whatever nuts you like
• 1/4 c. chia seed
• 1/4 c. dark cocoa powder
• 1 t. vanilla extract
• 1/3 c. coconut flakes
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1 t. cinnamon
• 2 T. coconut cream (or coconut oil)

What I did:
I added the dates and apricots first, and got them into small-ish bits then chia for a pulse or two to mix in. Then I added the nuts (I used 1/2 c. hazelnuts and 1/2 c. macadamias) and processed it into a fine powder.  Then I added the rest of the ingredients and pulsed/processed it until the coconut cream was well mixed. Then I took the ball of stuff and pressed it into a 9x9 baking pan with waxed paper on top and put in the fridge for a bit to firm up (they were a bit juicy), I'm cutting them into squares and hoping they hold together on the hike. You might want to wrap them individually in wax paper so they don't stick together and if they fall apart, you can squish them back together in the wax paper.

Sauces!

One of the key elements of menu planning the way I do is having a variety of sauces, dressings and marinades on hand. I tend to make a dish or two every evening or morning with the intention of mixing it with other ingredients or even other dishes. For example, this week, I made a whole chicken on Sunday, Meatballs on Monday morning, stir fry with chopped chicken on Tuesday, Tuna salad and a green salad on Wednesday morning, barbecue chicken and grilled zucchini on Thursday. The thing that kept all those dishes interesting was the sauces I made: barbecue for the chicken, green apple dressing for the salad, balsamic vinaigrette for the salad and for the zucchini, 'sunshine sauce' for the stir fry and homemade mayo for the tuna salad. I can use almost identical ingredients for two different dishes, but the sauces add the final flair that give each meal a distinct flavour that keeps the usual 'meat and veg' meal interesting.

I posted the barbecue sauce I made a few days ago. I used it to season the whole crockpotted chicken. I also used it to sauce the meatballs over fettuccini zucchini noodles, instead of marinara. I also used it to marinade the barbecue chicken this evening. Mixed with mayonnaise, the barbecue sauce would make a GREAT dipping sauce for sweet potato fries, but sadly, I ran out of sweet potatoes last night.

 The green apple dressing has been a favourite for a couple years: Since my first foray into elimination diets and cleaner eating. Tom and Ali of 'Nourishing Meals' local fame have a fantastic blog and two treasured cookbooks that have a special place on my bookshelf. You can find their green apple dressing on their blog: here. I have a hard time getting mine creamy enough, but I don't have a Blendtec or a Vitamix. I may cook/steam the apple next time to see if that helps. I use the green apple dressing for salads, but I have also put it on top of  'burgers' of various persuasions.

The barbecued zucchini was marinaded in homemade balsamic vinaigrette, which can also be a salad dressing, or a marinade for chicken breasts going on the barbecue.

I used the mayonnaise recipe from the Whole 30 quick start guide, but if you've ever made mayonnaise, it is the usual: an egg, some mustard, some lemon juice and extra light olive oil. There's a technique to making it - patience is the name of the game with this recipe. Once made, I used it for the tuna salad.

The sunshine sauce is also from the Whole 30 and although I like it, I feel like it's missing something, so I'm going to play with it next time. It's got a great nutty-spicy base but I think it needs something like coconut milk and/or curry with it.

I also have pesto sauce that I make throughout the year. I make it in big batches (1 c. at a time) when I can find cheap basil. I then scoop it into ziplock bags, squeeze all the air out of the bags and seal them, and then lay the bags flat and squish the pesto out evenly, so it's a nice flat 1/4 inch thick block of pesto. I then freeze the bags, so that when I need pesto, I just break off a chunk (it breaks easily and cleanly when it's frozen). I either put it directly on the hot food and mix it in, or if it's going into a cold dish, I put it in a small bowl and then put that bowl into a larger bowl of hot water (like a double boiler, but no direct heat, just hot water). The pesto melts within minutes and I can mix it into whatever I am making.

Although taking the time to make a sauce seems like a chore, especially when you have other meals to make, but as you can see, sauces are so versatile and they can keep your meals interesting. You may be tempted to just buy sauces, but if you are willing to put in just 15 - 20 minutes to make a sauce, not only will you be getting a fresh sauce made just to your specifications, but you will know what's going into them. Sauces are easy to pollute with chemical preservatives and added salt and sugar. But one taste of homemade mayo made with farm fresh eggs and fresh squeezed lemon juice, and you'll know the effort is worth it!

Second Weekend Update - Halfway there!

This weekend I stayed pretty close to home doing some spring cleaning, both inside and out. I did some house work but also spent Sunday afternoon at a Kundalini yoga and ayurvedic workshop. It was very enlightening, and while at the workshop, I had my first real Whole30 quandry. The food they offered us was a vegetarian ayurvedic cleansing meal, so the base of it (called 'kitcheree') was rice and dahl (lentils). As we talked about food, the instructor commented about how we only have so much control and sometimes, in the grand scheme of things, we need to just be present in the moment and bless our food and trust that we will be okay eating something that we normally would not. I completely agree with this, within healthy and balanced parameters. That said, I made the decision to bless my kitcheree and trust that even though it's WAY off the Whole30 plan, I would be okay. And I do feel that I am okay and that it was the right thing to do in the moment. But they did offer up a 7 day challenge for an ayurvedic cleanse, which I will have to decline at the moment. I'm still on the Whole30 path, and will wait until this is over before I consider whether to add rice and lentils back into the diet, and if so, in what quantities.

One thing has become evident in the last two weeks with the Whole30: I've never felt this 'normal' with my body and with food. This week-end, I realized my elimination issues are completely gone - I 'eliminate' like a regular person - no effort, no pain, no waiting for 'things to happen' so I can get on with my day (or week). It's amazing and wonderful and I really don't want to mess with that! I have twinges of cravings still, but they are soo much less than they used to be, and I'm finding without the physical cravings, I can better deal with the emotional cravings, which is what the next two weeks are about for me.

One very interesting thing came up this week-end: I had a rare but violent emotional outburst. I haven't felt that frustrated, angry and out of control in a VERY long time. I'm not sure if it was emotional cleansing from the Whole30, or just life getting overwhelming for me, but It was an education in my own patterns and triggers. It was also a reminder of how far I've come, because that kind of 'eruption' hasn't happened in years, and even then, it's not been a concern for over a decade, I'd say. However, since I have been focusing these last couple weeks on completely letting go of the 'old' me, it makes sense that something like that would come up, if only to say 'see how much you don't need this response anymore?'. It no longer serves me. My husband was gracious and accepting enough to see the outburst for what it was, and didn't berate me or react to it, but rather, he sat with me as we worked through it. It was a testament to how far HE has come in his own emotional journey. And I feel like we're both stronger for it.

Food-wise, it's been slim pickin's here since the food budget is on lockdown, so I've gotten really creative with the menu, and nothing that I made this weekend Is what I would deem post-worthy. I did revisit an old favourite of mine: kale salad. In the winter, I generally don't eat raw food, because I have such a hard time digesting it. But it's spring, and that's when raw foods are more appetizing to me. My system seems to be healing, so I thought I'd give it a try. Instead of honey in the dressing, I just added kiwi to the salad, but forgot the shredded apple. It seemed to sit okay with me, so I'm trying it again today for lunch, but with chicken instead of smoked trout.

I think over all, I'm definitely seeing positive changes in my body and my relationship with food. I still am curious how much I weigh, and in the morning, I still have that urge to hop on the scale. But more importantly, since I am NOT weighing myself daily, I am checking in with my body to see how I feel. Am I sore? Am I still tired? Do I feel bloated or inflamed from the night before? Am I hungry? How do my clothes fit? These habits still need more time to solidify themselves into my daily thought process, but I am encouraged that I am making progress here.

Oh, and one more thing before I launch into the second half of my Whole30 challenge: I have gone through my clothes (again!) to weed out the things that no longer fit me, and that no longer make me feel good. That doesn't leave a whole lot in my closet, but I'm looking forward to slowly rebuilding a wardrobe that fits, that is made from quality materials, and that reflect the person I am NOW, not the person I was.

Whoop Whoop!

Day 12- Thinner?

Today was a pretty busy day. It started out with a double workout - 2 circuits followed by 4 'sprints' on the stairs. Today, my knee was starting to bother me, so I wanted to keep my cardio low-ish impact. I'm not sure if stair running was it, but hopefully by tomorrow, it'll clear up enough to run. I then went back to the gym for a little cardio and a very haphazard and unfocussed mini-workout on my abs and butt.

I had a good day avoiding over-eating. All day, I just felt lean, and energetic and with few cravings (of course, it's only 7:00, so there's still a few hours left in the day). I met up with a friend who is in her final week of carb depletion/carb loading for her fitness competition. She thought I was noticably leaner than she remembered me a month ago. I mentioned the shorts I was wearing were too tight when I first got them but just about right today. Then I came home and put a skirt on that a month ago was too tight to wear for more than a few hours and _it_ fit. I still have 18 days to go and I'm a few days away from halfway there, but I am finally feeling some noticeable changes. If only I could weigh myself I might know if I've lost weight, but it's starting to matter less to me. The difference in my energy level and my clothes fitting better (or worse in some cases - I've shrunk out of 2 of my favourite capris!) are far more important to me than a number. Still.... I wanna know, because I'm a numbers geek! I also managed to sleep through the night last night. I didn't even get up to pee! I can't remember the last time I slept through the night.

Today's meals were all eaten on the go, but it's a pretty typical day for me: up at 6:30, drinking my iced coffee with coconut milk and egg whites by 7:00 while I prep lunches for my husband (and myself on days I work); then to the gym and at 9:30, I had a post-gym meal of smoothie (spinach, blueberries, banana and coconut milk) and barbecue chicken-turkey balls. This carried  me through to 2:00 (barely) when I ate a 'wrap' made of coconut flour and egg white, stuffed with tuna/coleslaw salad  and a spinach arugula mix. I was really hungry, but really wanted to be sure to chew thoroughly, so it took me almost 45 minutes to eat the whole thing. I went back to the gym to hang out with my friend and do a little motivational cardio with/for her, and now I'm anxiously awaiting my husband's arrival so I can start this supper of stir-fried veg and beef. I've planned a decadent dessert (the one I mentioned last night - I got too full and tired to make it yesterday!).

Tomorrow, I have to squeeze in a run in the morning, but it looks like rain. I promised myself I'd run in the rain at least twice before this next competition, so tomorrow may be the day for wet-run #1. I'll let you know!

Rest Days and broccoli salad

Rest days are so hard for me, and yet so important. Today is no different.

Today is a rest day. I have a hard day with rest days - I feel lethargic, I tend to over-eat and generally feel like I've 'wasted' a day. However, I know from experience (and extensive reading) that rest days are crucial for gains in strength. After all, strength training is all about tiny tears in the muscles. It takes time to heal those guns! I did some foam rolling and stretched every time I got up from my desk at work. And I'm already planning tomorrow's epic workout...

Tonight, my husband asked for an 'Epic Roxanne Dinner' tonight, so I set to work making something memorable. I'm going to try the barbecue sauce on some salmon, and I prepped some bananas for frozen whipped dessert - still not sure what's going into that one, but if its good, I'll post the recipe.

For the side dish, I was inspired to make broccoli (mainly because it is on the verge of turning). So I look at what I have on hand and voila! Broccoli, hazelnut and prosciutto salad is born. I'm sure this could be snazzed up with some spice, but for tonight I wanted to let the flavours of the homemade mayo, hazelnuts and apple shine through.

1 bunch (2-3 sralks) broccoli, cut into bite sized florets
1/2 c. Hazelnuts, chopped
1/4 c. Zante currants
1/3 c. Shredded apple (I used jazz because that's all I had but I'd recommend Granny Smith)
4-5 slices prosciutto
2/3-1 c. Home-made mayo
1 T. Honey
1 T. Natural apple cider vinegar

1) fry the prosciutto and let cool.
2) in large bowl, collect broccoli, hazelnuts, currants and apple.
3) once the prosciutto is cooled, chop into tiny pieces.
4) in a small bowl, mix mayo, honey and cider vinegar.
5) pour dressing over salad and mix thoroughly. Chill for an hour or two.

nom.

Day 10 - Cravings Subsiding ... and an experiment in Barbecue Sauce!

Part of the Whole30 transition is the body's response to fuel, and as a result, changes in energy levels, sleep patterns and other bodily functions. Today, I am noticing that my obsession with nut butter is subsiding. I still love it and want it, but last night when I saw it in the cupboard as I was getting supper ready, I didn't have that undeniable pull to snack on it. Maybe it's awareness, maybe it's just my body adjusting to new food patterns.

I had a pretty big day yesterday - I biked to the gym and worked out in the morning, worked, biked to the gym again to do a mini-session in the afternoon (I got some pointers on bench pressing, ab work and kip [pull] ups from my power lifting friends) and then biked home. My meals were focused on getting sufficient protein and fats with my fruit and veg, and I wasn't as desperate to snack in the evening, although I am still in love with the cracker recipe from Shasonta's blog and used them late in the evening as a vehicle for some yummy coconut butter. But again, no big surges of cravings.

As is typical in my life, just as something comes to the forefront of my awareness internally, something externally reinforces that new knowledge. I am reading two books right now: 'It Starts With Food' By Dallas and Melissa Hartwig - the creators of the Whole30 plan, and 'The Emotional Eater's Repair Manual' by Julie M. Simon. The amalgam of what I got from reading both books yesterday was right in line with what I was experiencing. I learned the difference between satiety and satiation and how our cravings satisfy our emotional/psychological desire for comfort and emotional nourishment, but that the less-than-nourishing foods we crave (like cookies, for example) will not trigger satiety nutritionally in your body, so we keep eating - it's a vicious cycle. So by addressing our emotional issues, we help temper the cravings for foods that do not satisfy our nutritional needs. Or something like that. But I am embracing a new understanding of how my emotional cravings drive my physical desire for randomly non-nutritional foods, or foods that I know to be triggers for over-eating or just generally do not make me feel good physically after eating them. So, I'm looking within to find other ways to nourish my emotional needs as well as the cravings I have for fresh, interesting flavours.

Which leads me to today's recipe.

I read a few days ago on a blog about 'Paleo barbecue sauce' and apparently that casual glance stuck in my head. I'm not usually a fan of barbecue sauce, but I've never figured out what was missing from commercial sauces (or what was added that I didn't like). When I got up in the morning and made some chicken/turkey meatballs, I figured it was worth my time and effort to attempt to create my own barbecue sauce recipe.  I quickly looked up a couple recipes on the internet, but neither of the two I chose used ALL the ingredients that I wanted to use, so I used both of them as templates to create my own recipe from what I had. The result is not bad, but not perfected by any means. Next time I will rework it with tomato paste and beef broth instead of just tomato sauce, and perhaps add more vinegar and/or mustard. Give it a try and see what you think:

14.5 oz can tomato sauce
1 T. Balsamic vinegar
1/4 c. Fresh Apple juice
1 T. Honey
1 t. Trader Joe's African Smoked Seasoning
1 t. Ground Chipotle chili
1 t. Powdered garlic
1 t. Salt
1/8 t. Cayenne
1 T. Stone ground mustard

Put it all in a saucepan and simmer for 30 min (or more). Pour over cooked meats, or baste it on meats destined for the barbecue. Or both!

Day 8 - Habits

After clinging to my understanding of the Whole30 for the entire week-end, and still feeling a bit like crap, I am spending this week focused on creating habits that supersede the latest habit I have of wandering in the kitchen and as I figure out what I'm hungry for, I somehow end up with a spoonful of nut butter in my mouth. Of all the balls I am juggling and of all the things that are important to me (my workouts are one area I'm really struggling with keeping fresh), this is critical.

I'm not quite to the point where I think I need to eradicate all nut butters from the house, like I did with tortilla chips. But it's getting that bad and I need to take a look at why and hopefully that answer will help me forge a real, long term solution.

While ruminating over this all, I realized I probably should actually read the book that inspired the challenge, so I purchased 'It Starts With Food' by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig for my kindle and I'm making it my personal challenge to read at least an hour a day, more on the week-ends. As the weather warms up, I like to sit out on my porch or in my back yard and read while I soak up the sunshine. Today doesn't look like it's going to be one of those days, but here in the Pacific Northwest, weather can change on a dime and I try to never rule out a chance to get out in any weather that does not include rain or wind.

I want to post more recipes, but right now, most of my recipes are from other websites or my own 'throw it together and hope it's edible' concoctions. I have time tonight to work on a spring soup recipe, so I'll post that once I get it nailed down  - and even take pictures!

On to Day 9!

Weekend Update (Days 5-7)

The weekend came and went And I once again had a lot that came up. I may have lost a few battles over the weekend but I feel like I won the war.

Both my husband and I felt the keen draw of alcohol and (for him) tobacco. I found myself making some long term realizations and decisions about my hobbies and who I spend time with. As the weekend progressed, I realized I didn't have much in common with this group of people anymore. We both came to realize we've gone as far as we want to with this hobby and iit's time to move our focus and enthusiasm in other directions.

I spent a great deal of time battling my emotional eating and then paying the physical costs of that. The one and only thing I was clinging to was that I was still on the Whole30, I was just eating a whole lot of nuts. Part of that is hormonal, but nut butter is one of my kryptonites (tortilla chips run neck & neck). I have no idea if this is grain detox or what, but I've been having crazy cravings (no I am not pregnant!). Anyway, I made it home, but I realize that being away from home while doing Whole30 is not advisable, and especially when there are tempting foods of any kind around.

I have to give huge props out to Shasonta, a fellow blogger and my Paleo/Crossfit hero. She posted her Whole30 experience and shared a cracker recipe that I fell in love with and that saved me from diving head-first into a bag of potato chips that someone had brought into our camp.  Of course, I made my own tweak, adding apricots instead of raisins and substituting macadamia and hazelnuts instead of almonds in the crackers, but enjoy her post at Shazzy's Sass.

I also took some of the mole chili made earlier this week and used it as a cold celery dip late one night. I call it 'Mole Chili' , but the original recipe is actually named 'Chocolate Chili' in the Well Fed cookbook, by Melissa Joulwan, and part of the Whole 30 genre. My version went like this:

2 T. grass fed butter
2 med onions (about 2 c.)
4 cloves garlic, minced (a heaping Tbsp.)
2 lbs. ground turkey
1 t. dried oregano leaves
2 T. chili powder
2 T. ground cumin
1 1/2 T unsweetened cocoa
1 t. allspice
1 t. salt
1 6oz can tomato paste
1 16 oz can fire roasted chopped tomoatoes
2 c. beef broth
1 c. water

On low, start the butter melting, as soon as it's melted, add the onions. Stir and cook until translucent. Add garlic and ground turkey and blend until meat is almost cooked. Add spices and blend for about 20-30 seconds, until the spices are heated, then add tomato paste and 1/2 c water. Keep stirring until blended, then add tomatoes and broth. Turn to low and simmer 30 minutes to 2 hrs, adding a little water every few minutes until it's the right consistency. Remember, it thickens as it cools.

If you add shredded veg (like carrot, celery, zucchini) or diced sweet peppers, it'd give it even more bang for your buck., but add only about 2 c. maximum before the spices have to be adjusted.

Day 4: Rebalancing - My Life and My Body

Wow, I have had some major aha moments over the last few days, but nothing like the dream I had last night. Without getting into the bizarre details of my dream, I made the very clear realization that it is time to let the old me die. I need to grieve for her, love her and send her on her way. The dream was also very symbolic of my role in my family as well as my tribe as a matriarch. This work I'm doing on myself is revealing a lot about what I have to offer others. But back to the theme for today's post: rebalancing.

Once of the things I've been working on is my sense of balance. The way I hold my body - the way I hold myself up physically as well as the emotional side of 'standing strong'. But first, the physiological aspect.

I have always had issues with posture and my back. A few years ago, I was introduced to the metaphysical meanings of physical ailments. The lower back issues relate to fear of losing your freedom when others need your help. Looking back, this has, in fact, always been a struggle for me. I felt selfish when I took time to restore my sense of Self by stepping away from my family, and there is a history of martyrdom in my matriarchal line that insists that we serve others before we care for ourselves. But I have always balked at that - and felt guilty for it. This is one thing I am definitely letting go of - that guilt over listening to what I intuitively know is right for me. In doing so, I'm working within my body to heal that emotion by focusing on my posture. I remind myself that I am strong enough to hold myself tall.

I think there's another element to the posture issue in that my body is different now than it has been, and my center of balance has shifted. I find that when I am standing tall, the energy flows through me better and my back doesn't hurt. Of course, that muscle still needs to heal, so I can't go back to my full workouts.

Well, I'm headed out for a week-end camping event with friends who love to party, so it will be another opportunity for me to test my boundaries, my resolve and my commitment to being healthy and balanced.

Day 3 - Food? FOOOOOOD!

Yesterday and today I had a really hard time wanting to weigh myself when I wake up and write everything down I eat. But I am committed to the entire process. It's not just about eating, it's about our habits and assumptions around food. Today was a challenge in that I was not hungry when I thought I should be and hungry when I wasn't expecting it. I ate my snack before my big meal, and it seemed so out of context, but then I was hungry and tired an hour later. I had a Spark/Rehydrate and then I was good for another couple hours. My evening 'snack' ended up being the lunch I swapped for my snack, and then supper an hour or so later. And then the munchies hit. I managed to stay on track with just a handful of nuts and some dried apricots, and celery with sunbutter.

So far I have not sat down to plan a week of meals, but I have a pretty good understanding of how to put a Whole30 meal together. I've been doing the food-prep thing for quite some time, now, and have some regular go-to combos (or what Whole30 calls hot plates). I have experimented with some new recipes and am really pleased with them. I know I should be posting more recipes here, but so often I am in the moment when I cook, that I forget to document what I do. Next week, I'll focus on getting some of those recipes on the blog.

Day 2 - Adjustments

Day one was one of the most un-pleasant days I've had in a long time. Unfortunately (or perhaps it's a blessing in disguise), I ripped a muscle in my back on the FIRST day of training. It had nothing to do with the exercise or the weight I was using, it was me. My head wasn't in it and I was not concentrating on what I should be doing. I also was still massively inflamed from the week-end's derail. SO... I am making modifications this week. I've made my peace with it and my number ONE priority is staying healthy.

I am altering my workout today and tomorrow, with a "rest" day on Thursday of a long walk in the morning with a dear friend. So today, instead of doing sprints, I did intervals on the stair machine. I've chosen the stair machine because I can hold my body with my arms, as opposed to the hill climber elliptical machine, which I need to maintain my core upright while my hands are push/pulling the hand-holds. I hope this makes sense, but that is my plan: 1 minute of hard and fast climbing followed by a minute of slower walking. That should sort-of emulate sprints. As for weights, I wanted to isolate the upper vs lower muscle groups as much as possible. Instead of thrusters, I did dumbbell shoulder presses followed by sumo goblet squats. I did one-legged hamstring curls and decline crunches, niiiice and sllooooow. I did the push-ups on my knees and renegade rows without the push-up. Last, I did chin ups on the assist machine, and kept it on a slightly heavier assist (which means slightly less effort). While on the floor I took the time to do some hip opening stretches and did some foam rolling. Some is better than none, and again, keeping my back safe so it can heal is my priority. In spite of it all, I managed to feel pretty good about the work-out and I had a nice chat with a gym-buddy about the Whole30 and our deep-seated food issues that we are working to overcome in our own ways. I also listened to two wonderful podcasts that I want to re-listen to and take notes.

And then there's my Whole30 plan. Typically, I have a smoothie or some kind of light break-fast food around 7am and then my main breakfast once I get to work around 10:30, then lunch around 1:30-2, and a quick little tiny snack around 4-4:30 to see me through till supper around 7-7:30. This keeps me from snacking, keeps my energy up, and just generally seems to work for me. I add in an extra snack and/or meal when I have a tough workout or end up doing something really active (like cleaning house for 3 hours, like I did today!)

This morning's food frenzy consisted of a kiwi, mango and grapefruit green smoothie and a lovely cuppa joe with coconut milk (for my fat). Post workout, I had an egg-free 'scramble' of greens, smoked salmon, shredded sweet potato, onion, pepper and mushrooms, and topped with a 1/4 avo. I thoroughly enjoyed the mole chili over zucchini 'noodles' at lunch, and I packed a small apple and a handful of nuts as my snack for on the way home. Tonight, I made an asian-ish stirfry from the leftover cajun pork roast from last night, the usual stir fry veg and cauliflower 'rice'. I still would like to make a few Whole30 approved sauces, but haven't yet mustered up the givadam with the back thing slowing me down.

So far it's been surprisingly easy, but I'm not getting complacent, because I know for me, day 4 and especially the week-ends are really tough for me. This weekend we are going camping with friends and there will be a lot of down time with me just hanging out in the kitchen, so I plan to meditate on that for a while before we actually get there, so I can be mentally and physically prepared. For tonight, though, I'm really beat - not sure if it's detoxing, clean eating, back repair or vigorous workout, but whatever is causing the sleepy-head nod, I'm paying attention and turning in early tonight. Tomorrow is day 3 and hopefully my back will be well enough to give a light jog a try.

Day 1 - A rough start

This weekend, as I prepared for the Whole30 and my new workout plan, I took stock of my body-mind connection. I spent a lot of time thinking about how my body was feeling and to be honest, it felt like I've been over-training, so I spent the last 24 hours in a slothful and continuous food-coma. The food part of the rest week-end was a total derailer and this morning I'm feeling about as crappy as I've felt in the last few months. To top things off, I was half-assing my workout this morning because I felt so horrible and I lost focus when I was supposed to be paying attention and I pulled a back muscle. Not just a little 'hey, pay attention' kind of twinge, but a full on 'OHMYGOD, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!' kind of instant 'snap' and I knew My workout was OVER. I still have to get through the morning and bike to work and home, but the lifting part of my routine will have to be adjusted this week. To this I say: Goddamnit.

 I've cut grains and dairy out pretty well over the last week, but over the week-end, I had the last of the oatmeal in the fridge, had a meal replacement shake, a power bar, and a rice cake or two. Oh, and a bowl of popcorn. So, here we are on the morning of day one. Fortunately, we prepped enough protein to last both of us all week. We have mole beef chili, jerk-style chicken and smoked salmon and halibut. Tonight I might even make some turkey meatballs. but for now, I'm trying to resolve to eat more veggies. To those who know me, this may sound like I'm overdoing it, but seriously: I only had a few servings of veg yesterday, and I need to pay better attention to my veg to protein ratio. On Whole30, I should be eating 7-8 servings of veggies a day. I've packed about 4 servings, which means I need to get 2-4 more in, and perhaps make one or two of those servings a fruit (speaking of which: I'm tossing in a half grapefruit to my lunch right now)

And adding fats - this is a scary one for me. Fats are like a gateway drug for me. Fats make me want sugar and grains like you wouldn't believe. I think this comes from years of living with a fat-phobic mother and a father who's evening ritual consisted of a huge batch of butter popcorn with this amazing peanut-toffee sauce, and ice cream. So fat has typically been connected to sweets and grains for me: the trifecta of bad-for-you food.

I also can't help but wonder if I've worked my way into a state of 'mad' so that I motivate myself through this first week. I know the back thing is almost completely attributed to sitting slouched on the comfy chair for most of the week-end, and from stuffing my face with inflammatory food. So, on top of getting this new diet under my belt, I have an extra 6 lbs of inflammation to lose and new workout to get on track while NOT tracking my food obsessively. It's a lot for my brain to keep track of, but here I am, day one. Workout completed (although I may go back and do it again, with modifications, since I really effed up this morning's stab at it), bulletproof coffee sampled (we'll see how far it takes me into the morning), and now a throbbing low back to contend with throughout the day. My brain elicits a weak 'yaaaay'.

All that said, I am 100% committed to the Whole30 challenge and the workout is totally doable in its entirety, once I get my back taken care of. Day one: underway.