My Journey to Clubbell Yoga

As a child, I experimented in several sports, from softball, to gymnastics, to track - until at the age of about 12 or 13, I settled on volleyball. I played volleyball for a few months during the begining of the school year, and played frequently with my youth group in the spring/summer. I was also very involved in the music program (I have deep roots in music). I don't remember exactly when the shift happened, but there came a time when I began really searching for my identity within my changing body.

At the same time, I succombed to the all-too-common issue of body dysmorphia, fueled by my interpretation of my mother's perception of her body (the mother-daughter bond was deep and complicated in my early years). I was reaching for that element of loving my physical Self but had few tools or examples available to me.

I remember getting turned on to the early morning program,  'The 20 Minute Workout', a quintessential 80's exercise show. I loved being able to start my morning with physical activity - waking up my mind and body at the same tempo, uniting them first thing in the morning to carry me through my day. It didn't hold my interest for too long, but I would inevitably come back to it from time to time throughout my teenage years. I also tried Richard Simmons - I loved his inclusive "you can do it" attitude - as well as one of the first Jane Fonda videos.

Fueled by access to this new way of being active, I continued my journey, taking a few step-aerobic classes but mainly buying more videos and eventually landing on a couple yoga videos that really sparked something more in me. There was a video by Rodney Yee (It may have been called Power Yoga) and another, led by Eric Schiffman and promoted by Ali MacGraw. These two videos, and a handful of others published under the Gaiam umbrella, supported and propelled me through some of the toughest times in my life. I remember coming back to them each time, as I worked through all the major life lessons I was experiencing. But each time, there would come a point where I would start going deeper than I felt I could handle, and the practice became a challenge rather than a blessing in my mind, and I would back away for a while until the thought of yoga became "new" again.

At some point about 10 years ago, a dear sister-friend of mine began her journey to become a yoga teacher. She encouraged a group of us to go to a yoga class with her, so for the first time, I experienced group yoga. It was definitely a different aspect of the yoga practice. There were things I really loved about it, but I found other elements bringing up feelings of frustration and anger. At the time, I didn't have the tools or knowledge to deal with my emotions, and after attending her classes regularly for a few years, I slowly found those challenges coming up and those unpleasant feelings would tap my shoulder at every practice. I started missing classes and about two and a half years ago, I very quietly slipped away from yoga.

I spent the next 2 years diving into weight training. I met and hired a personal trainer, my nutrition was getting 'dialed in' and I was fascinated with my personal trainer's experience in bodybuilding and fitness competing. I loved the fact that I was becoming physically stronger and finding there were things I hadn't been able to do since my teens. I felt and looked better than I had in my entire life! The doors were opening up for me to step into my own Self, into my innate Power. And I felt there was more out there. Like the Fool beginning his Tarot journey, I was filled with hope and naivete ...

I began meeting with another fitness friend to discuss fitness, nutrition and business ideas. She was a crossfitter, and I was fascinated with kettlebells. She gave me a thorough tutorial and I began investigating more of the kinesiology behind human movement as I made the decision to earn my Certificate as a Personal Trainer. Through true wisdom and grace, my friend suggested another woman join us whom she had recently met, who was also pursuing similar nutrition, kinesiology and kettlebell studies. This person quickly became my heart-sister as we journeyed in the same fitness, nutritional and spiritual direction.

About this time, I attended a TedX talk here in my hometown. While there, I experienced about a dozen talks and a few performances. One of the talks was given by a speaker who took me by the heartstrings immediately and led me on his journey from pain and suffering as a child to enlightenment through human movement as an adult. I could not get enough of his message, and forwarded the YouTube video to friends and family as soon as it became available, and I probably watched the video myself about a half dozen times. Other than this inspiring TedX talk, I didn't know anything else of him. but some in my circle of friends knew him and his interpretation of movement, Circular Strength Training(CST).

As winter began sinking it's icy fingers into our bones, my new heart-sister and I were made privy to a free demonstration of a class entitled 'clubbell yoga'. Another mutual friend had been invited and encouraged us to go. Immediately, I was drawn to 'yoga'. My conscience said, "I remember that! And you need to stretch more since putting down weekly yoga classes 2 years ago!" Fortunately, my subconscious didn't pipe up until a little later.

That first session was a full room of people from all different backgrounds. These were not long-limbed, willowy yogis. There were a few of those, but mostly I looked around and saw crossfit-type women, kick-boxing-type men, several average, every-day bodies and a few more corpulent bodies. It was a true melting pot! We struggled through, learning this new technique. Those of us with yoga backgrounds may have had a slight advantage, but there were others who were nailing the hand positioning and body movements employed while using a club (I found out later, their Tacfit and CST training was responsible for that).

I loved that first class. It was like a light had been turned on and I could see the dots connecting that had led me there. I bought a DVD and my instructor so graciously lent me the use of one of her clubs for almost 2 months until I finally purchased my own. I spent most of December trying out the DVDs, getting more comfortable with the movements, but many of them were completely unaccessible to me.

In January, I began taking regular clubbell yoga classes. I knew I was being drawn to it: mind, body and spirit. I sensed a key hidden within the practice that could help me unlock elements of my Self that I hadn't yet had a chance to experience. Sure enough, within the first 2 or 3 sessions, my subconscious rose to meet my consciousness and all the emotions that had driven me back in my previous yoga practice flooded me. I found anger, despair, pity, fear, deep sorrow and pain. And then... it came. I found strength. MY strength. I also found the seeds of self-love, waiting to be nurtured. The whole experience was overwhelming at first. But, I knew I was where I needed to be, and my journey had led me here. I understand that this is the work I need to be doing.

Since starting my clubbell yoga practice a short 3 months ago, I have become a greater Me. I am finding new elements of strength and flexibility in my physical body as I release old expectations of what I can and cannot do. I am meeting all facets of my mind, body and spirit and they are blending, working together synergistically and I am learning to experience all my emotions as they come up, as they are, honouring them, acknowledging them and loving them for their message and then releasing them. And I am starting to genuinely love myself. And I am finding all the beliefs I hold about nurturing and balance to be true. It's all coming together.

Freedom, Omens and Opportunity

I have the honour of meeting with a wonderful circle of women who, after only meeting together twice, I am feeling a bond developing. We are all there by choice and to support one another. Period. It's amazing. I barely know these women but they believe in me, and I trust them. We are real together, even as we get to know one another. It's beautiful. I wanted to recognize them in this post today, because I feel their support as I blog this.

I set this year's intention with the word "Freedom". This is the iconic word that I intend to create in each moment throughout this year, how ever the year may unfold. In tarot, my card for the year is The Tower, which if you are not familiar with this card, can appear quite frightening, like Lightning (which is my preferred interpretation from Joanna Powell Colbert's 'Gaian Tarot' deck). These two combined could be construed as 'omens' or 'opportunities', depending on how you look at them. In years past, I would likely have prepared for the omens with a wistful hope of opportunities. For me presently, it embodies a year full of 'wtf?!' moments and immediate opportunities to pick my "omen or my opportunity" and shift my thinking.

Personally, this has offered my partner and I the 'privilege' of digging into our communication styles so we can get to a place to be more 'real' with each other. It's not always the lighthearted fun times of our early courtship, but we are learning to navigate through the tough spots and come out on the other side, each time, holding hands and finding we are still united. It's been a lot of that lately, but in years past, I might have taken the 'omen' approach and assumed my relationship was going to fail and I would be 'free' from it.

Professionally, this has offered me the opportunity to focus on a dream that had begun germinating about 5 to 7 years ago and is very quickly finding focus.


Like a leaf at the edge of one of those big river whirlpools: It goes around so slowly at first and as the funnel narrows, it picks up speed, slowly at first, but then getting faster and faster and fasteranfasterandfasteran..... you get the picture? 

In years past, my lack of focus would find this overwhelming and I would find a way to talk myself out of my dream for various reasons. I would assume the 'omen' - that bad things would happen if I was too happy.

 ...and I'd drift on by, touching the edge of the whirlpool, maybe making a revolution or two, but never courageous enough to get pulled in this far. 

I have the opportunity to say 'yes please' to any opportunity I feel called to do, and know that I can engage in my life however it pleases me. With my Highest Purpose guiding my actions and decisions, I have little fear of 'omens' and embrace these many opportunities to craft a life I am proud of and that moves and excites me. It sounds a lot like religion, but I guess that's what confidence looks like to me.

First things first

The time between the Winter Solstice and Imbolg ('Groundhog's Day' for reference) is a time where I go deep into my psyche. I do a lot of journaling, dreaming, and general hibernating. This year was no different, and while I planned for the coming year, I came up with this idea of blogging every week for a year. I know, I know - I've started down this road before, but this time, I have a higher purpose: I want to write a book. I've had lots of ideas, but I need to practice writing, and see what fires me up, and then I can get clearer on what binds my stories together.

I already know that cooking, movement and the seasons will play major roles in my story of 2014.  The theme for this year's posts will be acquainting you with the theories behind why I make what I do. This may encompass things I learn about myself, books I've read and that resonate with me, podcasts I've heard that inspire and/or educate me, and other blogs and articles I read on the interwebs. But more than that, it will help you see the tapestry I weave with my health choices, from food, to exercise, to education to relationship development, etc. I want to share as much as I can with you, while still maintaining my friends' and family members' relative anonymity. So, forgive me if I'm vague on occasion, but know that the lessons I'm learning are the point, not the who/what/when/where of the matter.

My camera will attempt to keep up, because blog posts can get a little dry when there's nothing pretty to look at and punctuate the theme. My photos do not do the subjects I photograph justice, as the world is too vibrant for me to capture behind the lens. I prefer to be in front, or at least on the sidelines, making things happen, being a part of the action, or taking it in with all my senses. My eyesight is possibly my weakest sense, even with lasik surgery, although my hearing is starting to go, from years of playing live music, and likely some family history of degenerative hearing. But I digress...

So, for this, my first week of writing, I'll just dive in and share with you what's happening in my kitchen this week. Some stuff I post may be confusing, but my goal is to clarify in upcoming posts.

Today is Wednesday, February 5th. It's blisteringly cold outside (for this town, anyway) but the sun is shining like it's spring. We are prone to strong winds here, and they are making themselves known as well. I hate the wind, and being cold realllly does a number on me, so this is not my favourite time of year. However, my days go infinitely better if I can get a walk in first thing in the morning. So, thanks to my dear friend for knocking on my door this morning to encourage me to come out walking on the ol' trail with her.

Upon my return, I launched right back into this week's cooking projects. On the docket are recipes highlighting as many foods on my Phase One list as possible (See Alissa Vitti's book, WomanCode). Some of the foods listed in her book are not a part of my food plan, so I have a more specific list I keep on my fridge as reference, and also so my husband can see what phase I am in, and understand where I am at emotionally as well (although I don't know how much he uses this).

When I get into this cooking mode, I try to make at least double or triple batches of everything. That way there's some backup for when I'm not in the mood to cook (I believe I've written about this concept before). I whipped up a batch of breakfast bites for my boys (that'd be my husband and my 21 year old son who is staying with us while he goes to school full time). I was recently diagnosed with an egg allergy, so these were sadly not for me.

Avocados are on my phase one list, as are limes, so I made a simple guacamole this morning. Included were the following: 

  

Two avocados

1/2 c. cheap and chunky salsa

1/4 c. minced fresh onion

Juice of 1 lime

1 t. minced garlic (1 or 2 cloves)

1 t. jalapeno hot sauce (I don't really like my guac very spicy)

pinch of salt

dash of cumin

I slather this on just about anything, but it also is great as a dip for celery and carrots.

I also made a lovely barley and green lentil stew using this recipe from Food.com as a template: (click here) As always, I use what I have on hand, and err towards more simple flavours, as I tend to mix my recipes together later in the week (as you may see coming up). I used water because I was out of my usual bouillon recipe from one of my stand-by cookbooks that focuses on seasonal cooking.

Lastly, I made two chicken items: one was just 6 chicken breasts, brined in white balsamic vinegar and salt and then oven roasted with butter, fresh parsley, herbamare and smoked paprika. cooked at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes was perfect, as they were pretty thin pieces of meat.

The other chicken was made in the crockpot. The ingredient list is as follows (here's where I totally failed to take pictures!):

1 whole chicken fryer, cut up, skin removed

2 carrots cut in rounds about 1/2" thick

1 onion,  sliced in 1/2" rounds and quartered

 2 slices of celery

1/4 c. fresh parsley

2 c. white wine

filled to the brim with water

herbamare and pepper

I let that stew on low for about 10 hours, then on high for 2, then on low again for another 10-12 hrs. I just kept on going until the bones would disintegrate in my fingers. I then strained the broth from the big chunks. Once the chunks of meat and veg were cool enough to touch but still warm, I started the process of picking over the chunks. I pulverized the veggies, meat and bones, removing any chunks of bone that were not able to be pulverized between my fingers as well as onion and celery chunks that were too stringy to squish. I then added these chunks to the broth and stored in my 1/2 gallon jar in the fridge. I can use this to just boil veggies in for soup, I can mix it with the lentils and barley for another kind of soup, or drink it plain in the evening as a nourishing evening tonic before bed.

I suppose I could have put it all in the food processor, but when you're crushing bones, you really don't want those big chunks in there at all, so I find them better by literally kneading it between my own two hands.

I took breaks throughout the day to do clubbell yoga, do some housekeeping, take a shower, and do some bookkeeping. I'll be making cookies